Thursday, January 11, 2018


No book post today. Book post later.
Nah. I wanted to talk about emotions today.

Before I really kick off though, there's something going on behind the privacy wall that has me very worried at the moment. Thoughts are with family. One thing I need to try and do is unlock feelings of stay at home and heal. I feel tired already after just a week or so back at work !

But I think most of that is from a lack of sleep. There are two reasons for that :

Reading too much and going to bed too late.
Yawning into the pillow when I actually go to bed.

Yep. I'll be tired to the point of needing the matchsticks for the eyelids but .... I don't fall asleep. It's weird and confusing. I like the reading part though. I've enjoyed getting into reading again, especially as James S. A. Corey writes some great characters with highly amusing interplay. But I'll save the mini-review of Expanse Book 2 for when I've actually finished it. It was very tempting to stay up until I'd finished Caliban's War last night. According to Kindle there is only 7% of the book to go. I've rattled through it again.

The tendency I've been seeing lately is the tendency to tear up in certain times of watching things. Usually movies, sometimes series. It's like the emotions are unlocking even more. I don't like being closed in, I like to be a more open person. I think I'm better like that, it sparks my intellect to be involved in what I'm doing.

Hopefully avoiding spoilers but I'll mention two scenes in The Expanse.

One is the end of a couple of characters story arcs and coincides with the end of Book 1. He's given up everything, including soon to be life. He's doing it for the love of a person and .... to save the world. It's a perfect moment and it gets me.

The other is near the end of Season 2 (and is curiously not in the book ...). The ship has to leave but doesn't have enough air to allow everyone who will fit to survive travelling on board. So they can only take so many. They'd got a big fella guarding the door for them who was increasingly feeling betrayed and angry. When one of the core characters explains the situation to him, she's expecting him to kill her then and there. He doesn't. He puts his hands on her shoulders and pushes her back into the airlock to the safety of the ship.

That whole sequence is about people accepting their fate and giving up their place in safety in favour of the women and the children. Including the guy who had been asked to do crowd control in exchange for a guaranteed space on board.

That ultimate self sacrifice drew the tears, even the second time when I knew what was coming. It's a powerful scene.

And there have been more sequences like that. Interstellar has a couple, Passengers has one. Even The Last Jedi has them. Dunkirk had a few. Self sacrifice seems to be the key.

And I'm not afraid to admit it too. Sometimes we need a hug. Sometimes we need to show that emotion. Sometimes we need to bawl our eyes out.

I don't want to make a habit of it but I'm quite proud that those emotions are coming out to play again. It goes the other way too, although I still have trouble expressing Ultimate Happiness that comes from receiving awesome gifts or just from having people appreciate things I've done for them, including having a happy feeling that I've made someone laugh.

I think I might do after finishing Caliban's War !

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