Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Feeling the Melancholy

It probably won't surprise people that I'm being affected by the sad feelings at the moment.
I've ended up having a generally positive disposition. I'll look for the humour wherever I can and I'll dedicate time into and distract myself into making things that I hope make people laugh.

Because seeing people happy makes me happy, especially when they're happy due to something I've come up with.

But yeah, behind that public happy laughing smiling face there is the melancholy feeling. I know that it will pass but I also know that the catalyst for helping to make it pass is likely to be other people.

I feel I'm lucky to have a little nucleus of people that I can open up to, who I can make laugh, who give me excuses to unleash that latent creativity, people I can trust. And I try and return that by cheering other people up.

That's one thing about depression, when it hits it is very difficult for the person suffering from it to find how to climb out of that pit. It manifests in me by reduced energy levels, which make me cold. I also tense up which sparks off all those old injuries. And the pain that results from the injuries waking up again further tugs on my mental state.

I am in general ok. I'm not one of the unfortunate people who's depression comes from brain chemistry that, for want of a better description, is out to get them and which needs rebalancing via drugs that cause other problems through side effects. My depression tends to come from events, or me not wanting to do stuff that I really actually do need to do. I'd much prefer to play the games or watch the videos than, say, clean the house and make it suitable for visitors. Yet there are people who I'd like to have the house in a state suitable for visiting.

(I actually just spotted a message come in from one of those lovely friend people and happily replying to that has made me forget my thread here !)

Games are one method of covering? for the depression. I can hide in a good book or a good game as it transfers my sphere of concentration away from what's making me sad.

I do like to make jokes for people, although my humour is very reactive humour. I can never remember the old set piece type jokes but I'll pick up on what people have been saying or doing, recognise something funny in it and use the photo editing tools to create something to hopefully make them laugh or try and bring out a chuckle through words.

I hope you all have people to make you laugh, or to help you turn the unhappy feels around into that little smile that signifies things are going right in your world again.

My melancholy will start to lift soon. There are things on my mind which will be on there for at least the next week or so. Plus I'll be thinking of my mum and hoping she's ok. (And the sister!) We've lost too much of our family over the last few years, hopefully we don't lose any more soon !

That said, I'm not planning on disappearing off the face of the earth and my outsides are actually finally normalising. My sister's a fireball and my mum's a legend. We're a tough mob, although we've lost too many of us too early.

I'll definitely miss my nan, my dad and the old Ben-Pup (pets are family too). But I'll lean back on those good memories.

I hope that if you have lost people too, you can lean on those old memories as well. They may not be with us physically but we hold them with us in our memories.

Remember.

And I just got a chuckling response from the HeyChrissa streamer lady from one of my random comments which brightened my evening.

That'll be my closing words for today - stay away from the general public for sure if you have to, they can be very mean. But those special people, stay engaged with them. If you think they're special, then that means you trust them to help you out when you need it.

Reach out if you need to.

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