Two Tone Post

Ok - so what does that title mean ?

I have positives and negatives at the moment.

The big positive is that after my little skirmish with a depressive cycle last week, I seem to have risen out of that. Partly thanks to friends and colleagues giving me that hand to lift me up, partly due to my general condition improving.

And my condition has been generally improving - my outsides are more intact now than they were last week. Hopefully I'll keep it that way and not cause it to go backwards. I have a target of MCM Comic Con - that'll be much easier if my outsides are ok but it'll take that kind of time for repairs to happen.

Some of the damage - repairs within maybe 3 days
Other bits of damage - take ... longer

But I am seeing that general sign of improvement which is helping lots. Things like my ankles not being a painful distraction through the day. My neck's still bad but that's something I hope will settle down when my general condition normalises.

Negatives ?

Regular readers will have spotted me chasing someone over the last few months. I actually saw the lady at a show about 6 months ago with that brief encounter allowing my instincts to confirm what I already knew from what I'd seen on the web. That this was a little lady with rare passion, intelligence and all the rest of the things that made me Know with that strange certainty that this was someone I wanted to know better. And everything I could see about her suggested she wanted the same. Someone she could get to know better, company.

Yeah - the instincts confirmed everything I already know. I trust those instincts, although they've been badly wrong a few times before (they're a bit rosetinted and sometimes tell me just what I want to see). But ... I am usually able to see right past the surface and figure out what a person is really like. And what do I see ?

A person genuinely interested in the world around her. Glittering eyes that are taking everything in with interest.
Someone who has an instinct for finding the Fun.
A beauty of spirit that accompanies external attractiveness.
A characteristic voice backed by intelligence, humour and wit that I'm happy to close the eyes and focus in on.
(I usually have 2 or 3 maybe more sources of input going on at once but when it's worth it ? I'll focus in on the special stuff).
Similar interests - going across the games we like and the movies we watch.
Dunno about the music - that's from a 12 year age gap.
And more too.

Sum everything up and you get someone I feel seems like a perfect soulmate. Similar interests, similar intelligence, a strength of personality we can help each other with when we're weak and lastly, a love for life.

But ... all that chasing and no result. No feedback. No communication. No effort to check out the person who could be just who you're looking for. (She does peek at the blog posts I link at her but that's it)

The question you have to ask yourself is - is all that chasing worth it ? When do you decide to give up and look elsewhere ? I think I'm rapidly reaching that point.

While it might look sometimes like I flirt with everything in sight, I'm actually a lot more focused than that. I'll be very friendly (not touchy) but there's a certain limit past which I won't go. I think sometimes that's why ladies respond to that flirting, because they know I'll go away at a certain point before things get awkward.

But certain ladies, I'll be very interested in seeing if they'll go past that certain limit into territory that will be more ... familiar. However, before I go there, I'll need assurance that the approach is welcome (which has all sorts of checkboxes ....)

Yeah - it's getting close to the point where I look elsewhere, although there's still a few more weeks for that Comic Con offer to be accepted. I think, however, that it'll go ignored. We shall see !

I could be surprised. I hope I'll be surprised. But I'll try not to be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. At the end of the day, we both miss out on each other, which is sad. But ... there's only so many first steps you can take and if the other person never turns around to see who's calling ?

And I'll stop there before I come out with one metaphor too many !

But before you think I'm on the verge of another depressive cycle with all this, I'll take the disappointment philosophically. Which may tell you that I've given up on this particular little lady already ...

If it doesn't happen - I'm prepared to move on
If it does happen - remember that cloud I mentioned ? That'll be me riding on top of it.