Sunday, October 20, 2013

Reflecting on +1 year

People have been mentioning the annual Movember thing again ...

It's making me remember back just one year. Last year, I had a head start on the whole Movember thing. Because my skin condition had pretty much torn up one side of my jawline, I hadn't shaved for a fortnight on the run in. So I had something starting to grow ready for the start of Movember.

It was about this time last year that I gave up protesting and sought treatment, which made a good start on repairing the damage. And there was a lot of damage all over. I can't remember the precise details but I can remember getting through the cricket season last year pretty much intact. It was the rainy conditions that drew participation last year to a close, whereas this year it was my knee getting torn up. I think it was the diet change that initiated the condition getting much, much worse. Instead of it being just on my legs, it spread to arms, shoulders, back, bum, hips, face, ears and more of my legs.

Yep. Lots of damage and I was probably underestimating things (as I do) when I reckon it affected over 30% of me.

The condition now is so much better, although I'm not counting my chickens just yet. And I have to keep exerting that discipline (I'm not doing so good at it actually) to stop worrying the bad bits cos that makes them much worse.

Oh, as well as diet, there was a definite stress trigger as end of summer last year was one of the most stressful periods at work that I can remember. There's two that come close but not actually this bad. Or are they ? One of those periods had me actively considering driving the car off the road at high speed and what stopped me was what family would think. (This is from a long time ago and before I had a bunch of friends in Bristol I can go to for support).

Incidentally, this is one reason why I'm sensitive about people I know who are struggling. Cos I've been there, know how it feels and would do anything I could to help them away from that very dark place.

I wonder if that incident is why I'm so uptight about workplace discrimination ? Because discrimination was at the heart of why I was so low in that bad time.

But enough of that. Too much depression posting makes me start to get low and I don't want that. What I do want to do is think about going forward.

I wouldn't pass myself ready (on the outside) to run around just yet. There's still damage on my arms and the skin is very easily made worse. So when I'd throw myself around and get cuts and scrapes, there's a good chance those will hang around for a while. However :

Ears - are now perfect, outside of the soreness I've always got where my glasses rub.
Face - no Zombiepatch ! And I can shave properly. Still doing Movember this year, although as usual for me and charity - awareness only because I feel bad taking money from people for doing nothing.
Bum - smoooooth.
Hips - there's still some damage but it's almost mended.
Arms - hopefully under control, they're my worst bit and the "hopefully" comes from knowing I'm still being helped by drugs.
Legs - are almost perfect again. Again, smoooth where a few months ago I could split the skin by running.

So - still some damage but it's repairing nicely. I even have a perverse wish to show off those legs again. Although preferably when they're in pasty-white mode because they still like to go red occasionally.

And now I'm thinking of a way to close !

I'm improving but there's a sense of loneliness that being addicted to WoW (again) can't cover. Now that I'm more intact, I think on a subconscious level I'd like to be getting out more again. There's a few chances for that coming up with work but I'd kinda like something more intimate. That's one of my inhibitions though. Or is it knowing who I'd like to treat to a dinner and a movie but being scared of the answer if I asked ?

And on that exposure of stuff strangely more candid for my norm, time to run back into that addiction !

See you later in the week for more of that Top 40. At the moment, the random track of choice is Queen's Radio Ga Ga. Always an anthem worth listening to.

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