Monday, September 09, 2013

Pain ... and gain ?


This one's all about me again folks.

I'm in that curious place where I'm both feeling worse and better. On the one hand, my muscles are deciding they want to play games with me at every opportunity. Torture games. I'm incredibly prone to cramp right now. An unguarded turn of the shoulders to spot who's said hello can go from "Hi - arrggg" very quickly.

It's in my legs too and I was back to having extreme trouble writing things down again today. Yep. The cramp is so bad that I'm having trouble holding a pen. I may try a smaller pen.

So yeah, I'd have every right to be highly miserable right now.

But I'm not. In fact, my core mental state is probably the opposite of miserable. (Probably that manic side of the manic-depressive cycle). I'm enjoying it while it lasts but I do know that it started the upcycle when I started taking the vitamin tablets.

Note for Internet Doctors - taking vitamin tablets does not automatically make you happy. In fact, a good few years ago I was taking multivitamin + Iron tablets and I turned nasty. Personality change over a week of taking them, followed by snapping back to Angel Pete not long after stopping them. No - the happy vitamin time is most likely more due to my body having the materials it needs to repair itself again.

Yep - I should be taking those vitamins through a healthy balanced diet with fruit and veg but ... I need that allergy test before I can attempt that, seeing as I'm pretty sure that lettuce (and quite possibly cabbage) caused the allergies to flare up before.

How is that body doing ?

It's making good progress. The back of my knees are still quite sore but they're improving too. I just hope that the improvement stays consistent over this week and then we'll take it from there.

There's an autoimmune (where the body attacks itself) skin condition out there called Psoriatic Arthritis (PA). I've got some friends who suffer from it and a few of the symptoms match. I don't think I have it. (Phew ! It has very nasty under the surface effects). The symptoms match but the body attacking itself is not an autoimmune thing, it's more an "honour" thing where I'm the one responsible for causing the damage. And yes, there's a little voice inside saying "what the HELL are you doing ?" when I'm inflicting that damage.

But my discipline is improving and so is my skin.

If you know anyone with PA, support them. They're acutely aware of how they look and they'll be as embarassed as hell about that. And behind how it looks, be aware of how much pain they're in. The same Nasties that are attacking the outsides are also attacking the insides of the joints. That's pure pain. And not just any pain, it's the constant low level pain that steals sleep and the acute sharp pain that comes with moving.

I don't think I have it and one reason I'm glad about that is the treatment. Not only is it a nasty illness, the treatment is bad too. Our immune systems keep us healthy, some treatments involve wiping out that immune system. Whereas I've been able to keep going to work, if I'd had to go that far, I'd have been a virtual prisoner inside the house. And I crave interaction.

Back to happy !!!

Said the person who's just sung along to River City People's version of California Dreamin' (iTunes semi-random pick!)

Yeah. I've been much improved lately. The skin condition is fading back. Some areas are almost repaired again. Long may that trend continue. They're not totally fixed yet and I won't be comfortable until they are. But they are genuinely improving.

And my mental state is much improved too. I could do without the cramp. I think that's me needing to be drinking lots of water to help the skin rebuild - the repairs are getting first pick, leaving the muscles to be thirsty. And my muscles have always hated that.

I've been more playful over the emails and over the communicator thingys. Some of the old sparkiness is coming back. It's been hiding lately. It's been hiding again but that's because of sequences like this morning :

Miss G (inspiration lacking for codenames but - she's one of the cute ones) walks down the floorplate, innocently going past my desk.
I'm on the aisle so Meerkat Tendency makes me look up and grin
Miss G catches the grin and smiles back
Smiles broaden
And it leads to a friendly "wot ?" and me saying "morning" before commencing to hide again behind the monitor

Yep. Katie's Shy Boy still fits. But I still have that power to make people smile in an answer to my own silly grin.

It's good to have that grin back. It's like my own special super power. Everyone has their own special super power, it's in there even if they don't know, realise or recognise it. But it's there.

You all have your own special brand of awesome. Remember that :-)

(See ? happier frame of mind - I CAN'T HELP IT - sorry)

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