Frustration on the field

I did something I very rarely do tonight ...

I actually showed signs of frustration to the outside world. I don't like to do that, because it's a sign that what's causing the frustration is getting the better of you. That's whether it's work stuff, play stuff or your own condition not being what you would want it to be.

Tonight, it's me not being able to take as full a part in the game as I'd like to.

Oh - before I really dive in, the treatment I use is to get away from people for a while. I'll be chilling out next week with a week off work. My frustration tends to be born out of tiredness and it's time I had a decent break. Hopefully next week will fit that, previous breaks have been dominated by needing to monitor my skin condition a bit too much.

But I'm still up for that Iron Man 3 seeing ;-) And I may well watch Star Trek Into Darkness again. Maybe when I wander around Bristol centre again, which will happen soon. Maybe Friday if there's rain at the cricket.

Back to tonight. Why the frustration ?

I'm getting older and time is starting to win that particular battle ... I can still run but hip damage (brought on by managing the skin condition) is really starting to cut into the speed I have available. That's new, as it always used to just affect turning. Now it's getting rather more debilitating.

The other frustration is my shoulder. I have about 95% movement in it, enough for doing anything except throwing and bowling (For some "bowlers", it's the same!). I don't want to have the surgery it probably needs in case I lose some of the 95% movement I still have. But ... that 5% means I have zero power in my throw, so runs were coming off my fielding that shouldn't have been allowed. I fielded reasonably cleanly apart from that.

Bowling is frustrating too. We're light on bowlers this year (light on players too) so it's frustrating not being able to contribute there. That's coming from being a super reliable front line bowler before my shoulder froze up from lack of use.

Ok.

Very frustrating yeah.

However ...

Word from the other skipper was that my fielding was apparently better than last week, when I was struggling to keep my feet planted (drier conditions tonight, lots of sun). Better preparation meant my leg muscles didn't try and explode (they turned to stone instead with the cold - lol).

And ... I remember that a month ago, I'd written off playing for at least half the season because when I ran up the stairs, the skin on my legs would split. Much better now. Not perfect but far better than I was.

All that frustration had melted away by the time the game finished (we batted second, fielding first) as I steadily realised that my team mates weren't blaming for being inept but were happy to have me around, whatever the level of play I can contribute.

That level is just far lower than I remember being able to put in, which is why I get the frustration.

Oh - and if you are manic/depressive/bipolar like I tend to (I recognise the symptoms in me but they are light and managed by me grinning at everyone, even in my blackest moods), try to focus on the positive. So for me tonight :

Bad - Acceptance that I'm getting old and slower.
Good - Remembering that my skin improved so remarkably that it's allowed me to play.