Although I have a few favourite people at work who I occasionally mention here, I don't often mark people moving on to other things. However, I'm making an exception this time for a very special person so I can mark my memories before they fade.
When I look at a person, I tend to look behind the surface to pick up what you could call their "aura". It's to do with their general attitude, demeanour, how they move and most importantly, how they treat other people. The respect I'll give a person increases if I detect intelligence, curiosity and above all else, empathy and compassion. If a person answers a grin with a smile or grin, then that makes it feel as if they're alive.
If I get the sense that someone really believes "people love me because I look great", then I tend to think of them as just a bit shallow, with a corresponding reduction in how interested I am in knowing them. They may have worked hard to get their figure but that just points me towards thinking that they're interested only in self, not in others. And one of my key characteristics is that I help other people out before dealing with my own problems. There's also the idea that flaws make people interesting, when you eliminate all of the flaws what is left that is distinctive about yourself ? Better to be comfortable with the person you are than fashion yourself into someone you're not.
Anyway, who is this person who is moving on ?
She's not been with us for that long, coming in to shadow one of our contractor people. That means doing decent work while attempting to learn as much as possible in the time available by keeping an eye on how other people go about their business. And this young lady appears to be a very curious person, eyes always bright with trying to collect in as much information as possible.
I tend to be very jumpy, with that combining with excellent peripheral vision to get me looking around if I detect movement. And quite often, those skittish eyes of mine would spot a very pretty pair of eyes popping up above the little wall/fences that separate desks in our open plan office. This lady's desk was at least 30 metres from mine though, so I don't think it counts as an "Eyes meet across the room" thing !
I always notice how people move too. Even the best looking person can let themselves down if they have unattractive body language. A bouncy, relaxed step is far easier on the eye than the Clomp-Clomp-Clomp or shuffle favoured by a few people I know. Gait and poise signal a lot about how people feel about themselves, whether it is showing confidence or comfort. And Miss AB's step gives a glimpse of both being very comfortable in who she is, plus confidence. There's also a ready smile too as she attempts to divine what's occurring behind the eyes of the person dazzled by the angel before him.
I've had the good fortune to get the excuse to talk to this particular angel and been the disbelieving beneficiary of a couple of quiet "Hello Pete"'s too. I don't have the greatest self confidence, so I have trouble believing it when I hear people saying things that mean they're taking an interest. And for a person who needs to know that other people are interested in what he does or says, those moments when someone says hello with a quiet word or a wave count for a lot. Acting amused at the jokes helps too :-)
Taking the time on the way out of the door to draw my attention with a gentle hand to my arm to let me know that she was moving to a different project is something I'll remember for quite a long time.
What I will also hopefully remember is what Miss AB looks like, as the curiosity, empathy and intelligence I've mentioned above is wrapped up in a package that would not be out of place if her portrait were placed with those from one of those glamourous parties that inevitably end up in magazines like Hello. Except a frozen portrait never really does justice to grace and elegance of movement.
And what would that portrait look like ? About my height (5 foot 9 ish!), bright inquisitive eyes in an always smiling face framed by a cloud of auburn hair. Style never in question, a youthful figure framed by outfits that match the elegance, most definitely catching the eye. I think my (partially) photographic memory is already burning in two images, firstly the pair of eyes peering above the parapet to see what's going on and secondly the smile that would accompany the "Hello Pete"
I'll definitely miss this special person, although the two images above will hopefully mean I don't miss the chance to return those treasured "Hello Pete's" with a "Hello AB :-)" if I happen to be in the vicinity again :-)
PS I was kinda angling this post to have a little poetry in it ! But that seems to have kinda ... not happened :-) Think my prose style is a little too long winded to "do poetry" ...
PS2 This lady was previously known by a couple of different names here, I thought the Bright Young Thing one was particularly apt :-) BYT being something about 1920s fashion from my History GCSE that popped into my mind at an opportune moment. Not sure if the 1920s link is appropriate but Bright and Young definitely are !
PS3 This post defines why I blog - it allows me to actually say things I don't have the confidence to in person !
Well, I think your prose is very much "poetry", my dear. The way you wrote about this woman and how she looks and what her 'persona' means ro you were--in my humble opinion--Pure Poetry. I dearly hope she has even just a little inkling of her effect on you....Ans your gratitude for who she is.....It is really lovely to read something so heartfelt---and of course it is about her, but it also is about you tool Pete...Thank You For Sharing This!
ReplyDeleteThanks Naomi :-)
ReplyDeleteSuch comments from one who definitely a master of flowing prose mean a lot :-) Will go to sleep easy tonight with a grin and a bit more confidence about The Cunning Plan ...
PS The Cunning Plan will be me figuring out how to sneak a url to Miss AB without the on-site Thought Police catching on ...
Hi Pete,
ReplyDeleteChanced upon your blog via Netchick. What a lovely description of this young lady. Is she too young for you? May I suggest that you ask her out for coffee or a drink? You sound like you have a lot to offer some lucky lady. Don't sell yourself short.
Cheers
Charlene
I think she's mid-twenties, although people who I play the "guess my age" game on for me think I'm also in that range, even though I'm actually 34 :-)
ReplyDelete(Think "acts like student while hiding all the bits that hurt due to cricket" !)
:-) There are a good few canteens on site, plus 1 bar. Although that's unofficially called the Moon Bar, due to its atmosphere.
It sounds like there is only 8 or 9years difference at most. 34 is not that old. You're making me feel old-I'm almost 48. Age is only a state of mind. If she is mature for her age, the 8 or 9 years age difference shouldn't matter. I think you should ask her out. All she can do is day no. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I really liked your story, I most identified with PS 1 & 3. I am not a poet by any stretch and I don't believe I have it in me. However, I can write and if I am to believe what others say, compellingly. But compelling prose is not the same as poetry.
ReplyDeleteBlogging (and writing generally) for me allows my mind to fully explore not just what I want to say, but how best to say it. The actual act of writing is transformative and I never know what will come out the other side.
Tanya sent me,
Mike
Charlene - you sound like the lady who had us all gobsmacked as she walked through our office from the team next door pulling an "I'm 50" balloon along with her :-) 50 years and more life and bounce in there than some of the newbie graduates we've had come through.
ReplyDeleteSeeing more years doesn't mean having to feel them too :-)
Mike - I think there's a bit of responsibility in there too. A couple of posts I've written (Blog Mk1 mainly!) I've been highly tempted to go back to and scrub, they were written when I was thinking more of Game (Warcraft) than of Real Life. But just using the Big Eraser would mean not learning from things in the past.
So a bit of responsibility and ownership for what we write :-)
And an outlet for all those thoughts that rattle-rattle-rattle round in our heads that need to escape somewhere :-)
If I knew someone thought half as much of me as you do of Miss AB then I would consider myself very lucky indeed. I think it's one of the great sadnesses of life that we often do not know what we mean to others as we never find out but somehow the bad stuff is always made apparent.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've been enjoying work recently :)
Netchick sent me over this time to let you know that Prose is every bit as heartfelt as poetry - as you have just proven :)
I will say one thing. You do draw out the story in the spaces between the words. It's clever how a story that, while devoid of the asthetic details, manages to draw from the reader's past (I'd say many of us have 'admired' from afar) and make it personal.
ReplyDeleteI had a Miss AB once, and I remember how once she took me to a work function because there was another fellow who had shown interest and she wanted a 'buffer'. Her manner of 'being' is reflected in your descriptions, always there, but always out of reach.
*shrug* All I can say to you is next time... next time there's an AB... work to overcome whatever 'it' is that keeps you from her.
I can recall a girl who would even come to my apartment and wake me from afternoon study naps (as I called them) and years later, looking back on things, I never told her I liked her. At the time, of coruse, I wondered why she never sought more than our casual friendship, but maybe it wasn't her. Maybe she just needed that single affirmation that would have taken less than 10 seconds.