I'm actually feeling not too bad now ! Ok. I'm needing the Easter break to come for a rest and recharge but I'm actually feeling as if I'm approaching the end of that dark tunnel now.
So even though I'm about to list a bunch of ouchies, this should all be seen as positives. Yeah. I ouch. You probably ouch too ! But we keep on going. We don't let it beat us. I gotta admit, there are days when I have retreated back home and hastily abandoned plans to head off somewhere after work. Even up to last week, where I abandoned a few scheduled trips out to top up the supplies because I wanted to tend to ailing outsides.
But ... pic !
Yeah. I'm battered and feel my age. But I'm in better condition now than I have been in years and that tends to lead to daft thoughts like seeing about Running Very Fast again on the way back from the Chinese. There was a time when I had to be careful, as my legs were so swollen running would have made them bleed. Ouch.
Fast forward to now and ...
My feet and ankles actually survived a day today without the bandages on ! What felt weird actually is that I've gotten used to wearing effectively two layers of socks between my feet and my shoes. My shoes felt really loose. Must do them up more. Although .... I have always had thin feet and used to have trouble doing the laces up enough.
I feel as if I could run very fast again. I can definitely do the indefinite walking again now. I have a bad problem in my hips but that doesn't affect the Go Forward movement. It affects going sideways and I'll literally scream if I move the legs in the wrong direction but I have no pain or trouble when I'm up to speed. And the running very fast used the same kind of mechanics as the quick walking. The turning and running sideways which I need to do a lot in cricket ... that's another story !
One season, I played through it mostly injured. I had two major injuries that year. Quite early on, I must have torn a groin muscle that's an old injury that never healed properly. I kept niggling it again over the years. It didn't affect running very fast but .... I could barely turn or go sideways. That was frustrating. It started from bowling ... I added a bit more length to my run up to get more speed at delivery, which was too much for my hip. Oops. (Bowling involves putting the body through some stretched stress positions and it can cause a fair bit of damage).
The other injury that year was a suspected broken/cracked shin from a heavy impact in the field. Big ouchies and it led to my first and only retired hurt while batting (Oh wait - Nose Job 1 was the first retired hurt). To be honest, that retired hurt was more down to arms that could barely lift the bat any more and I just couldn't hit the ball far enough to score runs. But the trigger was being hit on the back of the same leg that had the heavy shin injury. I could ignore the pain before but not after the second hit in the wounded place.
That shin injury came back too ... When the troubles with my outsides started, I thought it was as a consequence of the shin injury. As in, ulceration brought on by blood vessels being destroyed under that shin impact. (This is one reason it went untreated for too long).
But I am starting to feel more like my old self again with the physical stuff. It's the little things that you hear, that you say, that you feel, that you do.
The thing I heard was surprise when I said I'd walked 4.5 miles home the other week. I just saw that as something I could do again now. When I did it, I managed to get my mind in the frame where I turn off thoughts of duration and just keep going at a pace that balanced energy going out with energy I could recover. (It's maybe 75% of my maximum speed, maybe less now). Going up Snowdon was a struggle, although that was more my minerals getting imbalanced (not enough water = cramp).
Yeah, my legs hated me when I cooled down from that walk but that's natural from muscles that haven't been used to their potential for a while. I could do that walk again. I don't walk in to work because it's more convenient to take that bus in and it's pretty quick at the moment.
I do look at other people and get inspiration from them.
Yeah, I've had a pretty rough few years but I think I'm coming out of that now. Other people are stuck with their conditions.
You have to count your blessings. Look to the positives instead of the negatives. (And I just remembered there a long running Alphabet of the Human Heart which I've left for far too long !). What do you have that makes you special ?
Everyone is special. Yes. You. You're special. You can do things no one else can in a way that no one else would. You are unique and that uniqueness is your gift to yourself and the world.
Just believe in yourself and you can make it happen.
Yeah. I struggle to start moving due to stiffness and pain that comes from having far too much fun running around a cricket field like a mad thing or from bouncing around a badminton court. Many people inspire me to ignore pain like that.
Depression is a gathering problem now. I know of a growing number of people who suffer from it. Yet they take stock, pick themselves up and keep on fighting. Sometimes they need to unburden how they're feeling by having a complain. If you feel you need to share a problem to help you deal with it, Go for it ! Good friends will be happy to help you out because they know you'll return the favour when they need help.
We all need help sometimes.
I will mention one person in particular though. That'd be Radderss (link on the right under the Twitch/Youtube section). She's a lovely young lady who is cursed with many, many health issues. We see her have to disappear at very short notice midstream to be ill. Yet she'll come back, put herself back together and be totally entertaining. And sweet.
She's been a good find this one, streamers of that quality are extremely rare. Most streamers don't engage with their audience or they are just annoying people that make me hit the X To Close button quickly. HeyChrissa is another excellent one. They don't go on that list on the right hand panel if I don't enjoy watching what they do.
It is inspirational to someone like me. My damage doesn't compare to the health woes of people who have registered disabilities. I still have all my limbs and senses and they still work pretty well. My outsides have been nasty and my insides have betrayed me too (RIP Pizza Binges!). But my own issues are minimal compared to some.
And that's people who keep on going, defeat their inner demons, find workarounds for their outer disabilities and LIVE.
That's a good way to live.
LIVE ! Today. Tomorrow. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the day. But live. And live with a smile.
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