Thursday, August 06, 2015

Having a Mind Blank

It's a bit of a joke around me (I believe ...) that I'm ... shall we say vulnerable to the charms of Pretty Ladies ?

The Mind Blank when confronted with the charms of a Pretty Lady has happened quite a few times for me. It still happens, regularly. It's in my genes, my upbringing, whichever part of that bit of brain that determines what we're attracted to.
That was one for Kim of Yogscast, who has made me go wibbly both from her videos and the two times I've actually met her. It was in reply to her posting on Twitter that she was looking out for the red pandas at Bristol Zoo and ... couldn't resist following that with something simple that hopefully made her chuckle. (Except I don't know if it did, because there was absolutely nothing in return as per usual).

Too good to go unseen. At least that's what I think. And I know a few amazing Small Pretty Ladies too. Yep. That means you. The Pretty Lady who doesn't think she is actually Pretty. Every lady has their own special beauty. You are gorgeous. Even if you don't believe that, I do. Which makes it true.

Although you know the wierd thing ? The ones who should be most beautiful somehow manage to spoil it through a disdainful attitude for those around them. I call it the Curse Of Pretty. It's like they forget that the beauty that shines most is the beauty of kindness to other people. The smile that will come out for everyone. Even that slack jawed shy boy who is stammering to get sensible words out. But there are some who will :

Look at you as if you're a stain in the carpet;
Refuse to reply to work based requests;
And generally be unpleasant to those around them.

You'll know a few of them I'm sure. They're not really worthy of your attention. Give it to the kind people instead. People like (in no particular order ...)

The one who stopped my heart when she came in to the office in her Christmas Party outfit. That'd be how our Snow Queen got that name. She's an amazing little lady who I hope remembers that soon. (I keep attempting to remind her because she's special and has helped me out lots in the past)

Our Irish colleague aka Warpath who ran acceptance. People always remarked on us having a flirty attitude with each other. That was true up to a point, she's actually married now so that flirtiness never went past a certain point (besides I was more interested in Pretty Contractor Lady who worked for Warpath). It made what could have been fraught into something more fun and successful. I got on really well with the acceptance ladies of that time and it meant we got a lot more for both my organisation and their organisation. It was great. We got things done. And it meant I got to talk to Pretty Ladies, albeit because they at one point flat refused to talk to my bosses.

But one lesson there ... what people didn't realise much is that behind the flirty outside, the calculating bit of my mind was going "Ok, she's trying to charm me into saying yes. That means her argument is super weak." That's like the tendency of games sellers to use scantily clad pretty ladies as selling points. Doesn't work with me as I instantly think their game is being sold on an image that has nothing to do with gameplay that isn't strong enough to earn my money.

And that Big Everquest Cosplay girl at NEC Comic Con definitely gave me a mind blank, she got the amount of material very close to how the adverts tried to sell Everquest.

And that would be a Mind Blank brain go "help help help" closely followed by me trying to catch sight of amazing little Cupid's Gift who I was escorting that day to remind me of a Truly Very Pretty Lady. I'll get the Wow Brain Gone mind blank with CG too when seeing her again for the first time in a while but then she'll give me a hug and by the time she's satisfied with Hug Time, the marbles in my brain will be back in the right order and I'll be able to be part of a sensible conversation.

That's a really important thing. I'll have that Mind Blank from a Pretty Lady giving me some attention but what really holds my heart is the conversation. The person behind the Pretty. Actually, that's more important for me than how people look. A Beautiful Mind ? Never seen that film but that phrase sums up how I get on with all people. I'll mirror people. Aggression (like on the road) breeds aggression. Politeness brings politeness. Smiles bring wibblyness followed by my grin coming out.

Give smiles. They make everyone feel better.

Smiles over messages are great for that too. LTK (I need to find you another nickname!) is another of those Pretty Ladies keeping me honest over the text messages. She thinks she's a pain in the ... elbow (I have a bone chip there so it aches sometimes) but she's been great for inspiring lots of these posts coming out. Cos I know she reads pretty much every one of them. I can't quite believe she does that but that's my self conscious getting in the way of my self esteem again.

I think the core reason for Mind Blank-ism is that low self esteem. It combines with a disbelief that this amazingly beautiful creature is willing to talk to me, so it takes me a few moments to summon up more than a daft grin.

Have I dug myself enough of a hole yet ?

Haha - I'm about to have more of those Mind Blank moments listening to the album that just started. It's Lucy Rose's new one, Work It Out. She has a great voice. Hopefully there will be enough time tonight for the next album, Felt Mountain by Goldfrapp. Tracks like Utopia make me stop and just listen to sheer beauty.

Who else ? The Kim I made the pic above for had that Mind Blank inducing tendency too. She had the cutes combined with a maverick personality which promised unpredictability and lots of fun. But ... she just doesn't interact very much. Even on her signing up for a dating site twice (before I found Cupid's Gift via there) and sending her a couple of intro messages (counting as non creepy I hope). I mean, why do you go on those sites if you're not willing to interact with people ? She wasn't alone in that though. Loads of women on that site will just not reply to the non creepy intro messages.

I think I'm very lucky that Cupid's Gift replied on that site, because she's done wonders for that ailing self esteem of mine. When one of those messages come in, I am highly likely to find a pole to distractedly walk into. While CG gives me that impression that someone else might think I'm a pretty good guy, LTK reinforces that fragile confidence by telling me that someone thinks I know what I'm doing. Something at work I'm not going to go into here damages that confidence at pretty much every opportunity (and is why I'm looking to be elsewhere), so having someone I trust saying I'm good at Stuff does wonders for me and enables me to work harder and better.

I feed off confidence. I need it to be motivated and successful.

It's why my English language grades at school suddenly rocketed from a disinterested low C to a high A at GCSE. Because my teacher changed from a fuzzy old Reverend to ... someone who wore summer dresses a lot and who I accidentally called Mom once in front of a few people in the class.

Yep. Almost as embarassing as a mind blank.

And I probably had better leg it now before I get myself into too much trouble !
Stay kind. It's beauty.

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