Saturday, October 04, 2014

Balancing with Positivity

So the last post was a bit of a negative one. I don't like leaving those as top posts because ...

They aren't a real reflection of how I see myself. But, they sometimes come out when that certain Darkness hits. I think when those episodes hit, you have to talk them out. I don't have anyone here to talk them through with, so I typically put them here. Just :

If you're in a similar position, please don't take it out on anyone else. Especially if it's an internal problem. Talk it over with someone you trust but don't make it their fault, you'll feel really guilty later which will deepen the depression.

I think my darkness on Thursday was a direct result of that self discipline slipping relating in me attacking bits of me that were almost healed. That sets the healing back more than you might think. So having to sit through the consequences of that for a full day at work, knowing it was all my fault, turned Thursday into a bit of a dark day.

I think I'm almost out of that dark phase though. Yeah, I still have pain but Light and Dark is the difference between feeling that pain and being able to ignore it. After two better days, I'm more confident again that I'll soon be clear of all these problems and able to move forward again.

I'm looking forward to something too. I'm feeling the need to have a break from work again soon and there's an opportunity coming to have a very long weekend at the end of October. It'll be MCM Comiccon. Never been to a Comic Con before but I think I'll enjoy it. I went to EGX Rezzed earlier this year and to be honest, the highlight there was the Yogscast people. I wasn't really that impressed with the rest of the show. But Comiccon ? There will be a lot more there, outside the world of gaming.

I'm thinking of going on the Friday, when a later start time will hopefully make the travel easier. We'll see. The show will definitely be quieter, which fits in with my paradox of needing to be around people but being really nervous in crowds.

I have an offer for someone too ... Someone who I believe is going to the Comic Con on the Friday as well ;-)

I'll take the car from Bristol and can easily make a side trip on the way to pick someone up. I'd have no problem whatsoever if she fell asleep in the car (hey ! we need our rest and my cruise driving seems to do that to people ...). I do have this tendency to sing along to what's playing on the stereo which may stop that sleep. And then it would be underground to/from the Con. Oh and I'd be buying dinner too.

That's actually not much outside what I'd do for the show anyway. It would just be awesome to have someone along for the ride. Things like this are miles better in company. Or perhaps not when you consider the factor of "That's shiny but ..." "Go on - buy it" "Ok" with the company over coming the resistance to spendspendspend.

This post was about positivity wasn't it ?

The inspiration is the ever wonderful Kim who concentrated on that message in her latest Vlog. There's an old saying :
I'm back to feeding the Good Wolf. And here's a definite wolf again :
What a lovely old man Scruff became. It's a shame he didn't last long after that picture but he was loved from the time he turned up on our doorstep to the time we had to let him go. Who could not love that face and the shaggy hair.

Comic con - if you feel like going too and you're one of my readers from around the Bristol area, let me know through the email address in the profile.

Before I close, I have to mention a few people again. Cos they've helped over the last couple of days.

Kim - for inspiring those thoughts of positivity. And for making me remember one of the aspects of my personality that sometimes submerges. Forgiveness. If you feel people are out to get you, forgive them. That will take the sting out of their hate and you know what ? If you forgive people who think you should hate them, it really freaks them out ...

Snow Queen ! For listening when I was talking at her and for continuing to be a wonderful person despite all the trouble she's been coping with.

CK and CQ for being around and being great friends.

Thelma (of the Thelma and Louise pair) - who spotted how much weight I'd lost. Sayings like that give a huge lift.

All the people at work who willingly subject themselves to my grin. And the ones at work who pass my name around as "Pete will know - that's really obscure knowledge, go to Pete". You don't know how valued being the go to guy for knowledge makes me feel.

And Miss Barbara again - because when it comes out, she has that wonderful little smile.

But the one I'll have in my mind tonight is someone else. Because I have that voice in my head, the face in my mind, the wonderful huge eyes that take everything in, including drinking up my soul. Oh and that massive personality coupled with the mucky laugh.

And I'll close there. But if the Comic Con person actually takes up the offer ? I'll be on a happy little cloud of my own from now until then.

PS Thoughts will also be with another person I've been following on Twitter. She went into hospital earlier this week in lots of pain and has been diagnosed with something very serious. Thoughts are with her, I really hope she comes through ok. She's Good People.

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