A to Z - M is for Marvellous

Also for Madonna and a couple more too.

I'm running very close to hitting 1000 posts ... I may have to think of something special to mark that milestone. I'm oh so welcome to ideas !

But now - while I'm half ignoring Star Trek Original Series reruns (it seems a bit of a letdown compared to today's scifi), that gives me a perfect opportunity to do the M post ... (These posts involve a lot of Youtube surfing, which I don't like doing when watching other YT vids)

First up is Clannad, who have two albums in the M's. We see Macalla and Magical Ring. Macalla is mostly pop, Magical Ring is more traditional/atmospheric. They're both outstanding albums in their own right and it's tough to find highlights from them. But ... I found something with the two best from Macalla, it's the happy Closer To Your Heart and the more plaintive Almost Seems Too Late To Learn. Spot that 80's special dancing.

Clannad were always led by the marvellous voice of Maire Brennan. It's so flexible, able to adapt to the poppy songs as well as the more traditional Irish folky songs like the beautiful Coinleach Ghlas An Fhómhair. And ... it's one I can happily sing along to ! My voice has a strange range. It can't follow voices like Michael Stipe with Losing My Religion but it is suited to the ranges groups like Clannad and Tori Amos use. Well, I would sing along if I could understand the Gaelic.

Soundtracks ! There's a few in here but I'll pull out Tomas Dvorak's Machinarium as a major highlight. It's from a point and click game with a massively charming robot. I'd thoroughly recommend it but get the soundtrack as well, it's an excellent piece of music. Highlight ? Clockwise Operetta.

Dubstar come in next with Make It Better. The song Stay is my highlight here, with its dancy melody and the chorus line "Sarah Makes It Better". Hearing a voice that pure definitely makes my day better. Yes, there's a bit of autotuning in there but most of it is that wonderful Sarah voice.

Dire Straits brought out a bunch of albums and I think their most underrated and I think one of their best is Making Movies. There's a collection of amazing tracks on here, most of which I've linked before. Romeo and Juliet has the guitar interplay with keyboard and we see similar on Expresso Love. Nah, this time it's the turn of Skateaway for the story that it tells.

Another soundtrack - Mars Attacks was a B movie classic when it came out and when we went to see it, I was dissolving into laughter in the opening scenes. They started with one spinning ufo. Then a few more joined in formation. Then another formation and another until the screen was full of these off axis badly spinning wholly cliched saucer ufo's. I found that hilarious. And all the while, there's the equally cliched opening title music playing. A truly classic movie that I need to watch again. Soon.

On to games - when I saw Master of Magic and Master of Orion on sale on Good Old Games.com, I couldn't resist. They were why I came out of uni with a 2:2 Hons MEng instead of 1st Hons MEng. Too much gaming - bad me. Master of Magic took the Civilisation theme but moved it into a fantasy setting with magic. It had different races with their own characteristics and limits. Moo was Civ in space. Both games had decent music with the power to drive you nuts cos of their repetition. It's good to hear it again.

Game soundtracks like Master of Magic are a real nostalgia kick. They hail from the days of the original Soundblaster cards. These did music using the OPL3 FM synthesizer chip. It was pretty simple and cheap. Although some fancier people with deeper pockets used cards like the Gravis Ultrasound which had a whole up to 1MB of memory on board to help make music ...

Enigma are in here with MCMXC A.D. It's one of the all time classic albums and not just for making Gregorian Chants trendy. My highlight is the lengthy Sadeness. Don't tell me you don't join in with the heavy breathing lady ? Enigma caught the imagination by coming out just at the right time with something totally unique.

Madonna is another with a pair of M albums in here, first is MDNA which follows the dancy Confessions on a Dance Floor. It's not quite as good (Confessions was exceptional) but is saved by tracks like Turn Up The Radio. The other M for Madonna album is Music with tracks like ... Music. Yep, I like the title track best on this one.

Time to whip through a few quickies :

Pink Floyd turned the corner into the 70s with Meddle. It was a more electronic form, characterised by the groundbreaking One Of These Days.
Miami Vice was a series I missed (too young - bah) but it always had great music like Glenn Frey's Smuggler's Blues (sadly no video because various muppets have DMCA'd it - boo hiss).
I mentioned Tori Amos earlier ? Midwinter Graces was Tori Does Xmas and it was a good album too. Highlight - Our New Year.
Pink Floyd are also here with A Momentary Lapse Of Reason, their first album without Roger Waters definitely setting a different tone. It's far more bland but is still worth a listen for uplifting songs like Learning To Fly.
Mike Oldfield comes in with his Moonlight Shadow collection, it has excerpts of all his classics.

After Dire Straits, there was the Notting Hillibillies with Mark Knopfler applying his guitar play to a more country style. And it kicks off pretty well with Railroad Worksong.

I occasionally hear songs or hear them mentioned and wonder : "In a 13,000 track library, how come I don't have this ?" And one such song was mentioned by that ever wonderful lady Miss Kim. Especially for her : Moon River. She mentioned it on one of her videos, which led to me buying a Henry Mancini collection with lots more classics as well as Moon River. Well worth it.

I'm a collector of Air's works now. Again, a little bit different to the norm and thus, highly interesting for me as a collector. Variation is good. And it all started with Moon Safari, with the sublime tracks All I Need and You Make It Easy. Love them. (Especially as I can sing along!)

Old classic ? Led Zep are in the M's with their Mothership collection. I have to say, I find a lot of their stuff average. But ... But. Stairway to Heaven ! Is there a better rock n roll song ?

Last one ! Honest. Cor, this one has turned out longer than I thought. I picked up an Andrew Lloyd Webber "Musical Masterpieces" collection a while ago. There's some good stuff here. Lots of tat too. But the tat gets forgiven with tracks like Don't Cry For Me Argentina.

N's will wait for a bit - adding the soundtrack to Final Fantasy 7 has put a bit of a gap in the schedule ... It's massive !

Back soon :-) In the meantime, all ideas welcome for a 1000th post.

Balancing with Positivity

So the last post was a bit of a negative one. I don't like leaving those as top posts because ...

They aren't a real reflection of how I see myself. But, they sometimes come out when that certain Darkness hits. I think when those episodes hit, you have to talk them out. I don't have anyone here to talk them through with, so I typically put them here. Just :

If you're in a similar position, please don't take it out on anyone else. Especially if it's an internal problem. Talk it over with someone you trust but don't make it their fault, you'll feel really guilty later which will deepen the depression.

I think my darkness on Thursday was a direct result of that self discipline slipping relating in me attacking bits of me that were almost healed. That sets the healing back more than you might think. So having to sit through the consequences of that for a full day at work, knowing it was all my fault, turned Thursday into a bit of a dark day.

I think I'm almost out of that dark phase though. Yeah, I still have pain but Light and Dark is the difference between feeling that pain and being able to ignore it. After two better days, I'm more confident again that I'll soon be clear of all these problems and able to move forward again.

I'm looking forward to something too. I'm feeling the need to have a break from work again soon and there's an opportunity coming to have a very long weekend at the end of October. It'll be MCM Comiccon. Never been to a Comic Con before but I think I'll enjoy it. I went to EGX Rezzed earlier this year and to be honest, the highlight there was the Yogscast people. I wasn't really that impressed with the rest of the show. But Comiccon ? There will be a lot more there, outside the world of gaming.

I'm thinking of going on the Friday, when a later start time will hopefully make the travel easier. We'll see. The show will definitely be quieter, which fits in with my paradox of needing to be around people but being really nervous in crowds.

I have an offer for someone too ... Someone who I believe is going to the Comic Con on the Friday as well ;-)

I'll take the car from Bristol and can easily make a side trip on the way to pick someone up. I'd have no problem whatsoever if she fell asleep in the car (hey ! we need our rest and my cruise driving seems to do that to people ...). I do have this tendency to sing along to what's playing on the stereo which may stop that sleep. And then it would be underground to/from the Con. Oh and I'd be buying dinner too.

That's actually not much outside what I'd do for the show anyway. It would just be awesome to have someone along for the ride. Things like this are miles better in company. Or perhaps not when you consider the factor of "That's shiny but ..." "Go on - buy it" "Ok" with the company over coming the resistance to spendspendspend.

This post was about positivity wasn't it ?

The inspiration is the ever wonderful Kim who concentrated on that message in her latest Vlog. There's an old saying :

I'm back to feeding the Good Wolf. And here's a definite wolf again :

What a lovely old man Scruff became. It's a shame he didn't last long after that picture but he was loved from the time he turned up on our doorstep to the time we had to let him go. Who could not love that face and the shaggy hair.

Comic con - if you feel like going too and you're one of my readers from around the Bristol area, let me know through the email address in the profile.

Before I close, I have to mention a few people again. Cos they've helped over the last couple of days.

Kim - for inspiring those thoughts of positivity. And for making me remember one of the aspects of my personality that sometimes submerges. Forgiveness. If you feel people are out to get you, forgive them. That will take the sting out of their hate and you know what ? If you forgive people who think you should hate them, it really freaks them out ...

Snow Queen ! For listening when I was talking at her and for continuing to be a wonderful person despite all the trouble she's been coping with.

CK and CQ for being around and being great friends.

Thelma (of the Thelma and Louise pair) - who spotted how much weight I'd lost. Sayings like that give a huge lift.

All the people at work who willingly subject themselves to my grin. And the ones at work who pass my name around as "Pete will know - that's really obscure knowledge, go to Pete". You don't know how valued being the go to guy for knowledge makes me feel.

And Miss Barbara again - because when it comes out, she has that wonderful little smile.

But the one I'll have in my mind tonight is someone else. Because I have that voice in my head, the face in my mind, the wonderful huge eyes that take everything in, including drinking up my soul. Oh and that massive personality coupled with the mucky laugh.

And I'll close there. But if the Comic Con person actually takes up the offer ? I'll be on a happy little cloud of my own from now until then.

PS Thoughts will also be with another person I've been following on Twitter. She went into hospital earlier this week in lots of pain and has been diagnosed with something very serious. Thoughts are with her, I really hope she comes through ok. She's Good People.

Looking for a little ... feedback ?

I have to admit, today wasn't one of my best days.

I do flip between a Happy State and a Sad State. Often, it's beyond my control when I flip into the Sad State, so I ride the wave of the Happy State as much as possible. A big trigger of Sad Pete is when I think I'm being ignored or otherwise being deprived of the human contact that I crave.

(That was only part of the story today - a big part was the self discipline slipping and me doing some more damage - oops !)

That combined with definitely lacking on the energy today made things somewhat miserable. Being in the Sad State has other effects too. I'm sure other people who suffer from depression will recognise the feeling that the world just doesn't care about you. Having a lack of feedback when you try to talk to or send messages to people reinforces that feeling of being unloved.

You've seen me mention Okcupid here a few times haven't you ? I have no issues whatsoever with the site. It's fast to navigate on both mobile and desktop versions. It presents matches clearly. It has a well realised editor. It's a great site and the Match % couples fairly well with what I read in people's profiles.

But ... And this is the big but. A site like that depends on the people on it for successfully fulfilling its purpose of making singles into partners.

What's the result so far ? I've been messaging occasional people on there as their words and pictures catch my eye. I usually put a compliment in there and / or questions based on what I've read in their profile.

So - how many answers, how many ignore ?

I'll go back to 1st August when I was feeling a lot better and thinking recovery was just around the corner. I've sent initiating messages to 16 lovely ladies. Of them, I've had :

2 sorry not interested or talking to someone else. I'm ok with that. They showed a little interest and had the courtesy to reply. I wish those two ladies well.

That's what I'm all about. If a lady goes off with another bloke, I'm fine with that. What's important is that they're happy. If that happens to be with someone else instead of me, that's ok. It doesn't do much for my need for Hug but their happiness is what counts.

Back to numbers - 2 had short conversations, of which 1 was fairly promising. Until I translated my description of "shredded". Not heard from her again, despite : My condition will fix in time. Her condition will not (she has a degenerative skeletal disease).

1 lengthy conversation with a lovely interpreter lady. That conversation had me grinning madly, especially when she diagnosed me as having the Crazy. I like the Crazy (happy crazy, not lock me up crazy) because it means unpredictable spontaneity and hopefully fun. I hope I hear from her more. She was interesting and I don't use that word with many people.

That leaves 11 ladies who did not bother replying - at all. Even to the questions I asked them based on what's in their profiles. I'd call that rude but it goes beyond that into being obnoxious.

I see that lack of response way too much actually. There's another lady I talk about here a little too much perhaps who hasn't given me anything by way of response. I know she checks the posts because Google privately gives me the fingerprint trace that shows the link they click to get here. But I get no response back. That shows either :

Lack of interest - just let me know that. There's a 12 year age difference which I think unnerves her.
Shy inhibitions - there's only one way to fight that, go outside the comfort zone.

Yeah - I'm a bit upset at the world at the moment, feeling unloved.

But ... this is my message to all the people reading this who are touched by depression. Remember the positives. For me, it's keeping a few faces in my mind :

The lady down south who is new to the organisation. I've been helping her figure out how everything fits together and she's been helping me from her own specialisation too.

(People say I'm an outrageous flirt. That's true. I don't deny it. But ... If the flirting and being nice to people means they answer my questions quicker, I'll keep doing it. Besides, it costs nothing to be nice and makes everyone feel better.)

I caught the Snow Queen around lunchtime on Tuesday. And had the benefit of that little smile she carries around. Our Snow Queen is amazing, even at my most confusing, she can follow what I'm thinking. That's tough and shows how smart and understanding she is.

All those hugs from CrazieQueen. She suffers more than I do and those hugs help us both out.

Having an email out of the blue from the Naughty (but so Nice) Angel. And then completely coincidentally spotting her waiting for a lunchtime meet up. It was great to talk again.

Having all those people at work who answer my smile with their own and often a Hello. That definitely helps being my smile back.

But lastly, Miss Barbara. Her name's not Barbara but she is almost the image of a childhood sweetheart of that name (and I'm struggling for codename inspiration). She'll walk past my desk and try not to be distracted by the grinning idiot looking up at her. But if she catches the grin, her face will first twitch and then erupt into an ear to ear smile.

And it's those smiles that make life worth living. And it's smiles like that which help point the way to finding my Happy Pete mojo again.

Getting better ... slowly

Yep

Improving. But slowly. There's still a fair bit of damage on me but instead of staying nasty, it shows healing fairly quickly. Of course, I'm still being my own worst enemy with it because I can re-damage the healed bits very easily, with that tending to happen before my self-discipline wakes up.

Still struggling though. I have my hyperactivity being balanced by a lack of sleep again. I like to finish on high notes, so let's get the bed out of the way first. You know, like when I do that cataloguing of the problems so I can deal with them better.

Energy levels. This is the hyperactivity being balanced by the lack of sleep. I usually have enough to see me through the day at work and then go Zombie when I'm home. I can carry the energy levels when I need them but I pay for it later.

Outside struggles. The skin's genuinely getting better. But I still have to be incredibly careful with it and there's no way I'm wearing shorts yet. I'd be shot by Zombie Hunters.

Inside struggles. The lowlights are a nasty neck which is really cramping the Meerkat style. You know, the one where the person sitting at the desk pops up their head to see who is walking by. It's costing me smiles ! I need to go on an exercise regime too, to reactivate legs that have lost the power I'm accustomed to having.

Ok, ok - that's enough for struggles. Positives ?

I'm getting huge amounts of Smiles. I wrote something somewhere which said "Dwagonman, Powered By Smiles". I love giving and receiving smiles. Even She Who Curdles The Milk has caught the grin and even said hello the other day. I nearly fell off me chair. (She's not that bad)

Even people I don't know get caught by the Grin. Including Pretty Lady Waitress tonight. Energy levels were really low and were helped out by another pasta dinner (I'm getting addicted to F+B's Chicken Romana) and those Pretty Lady Waitress smiles. She was on her third straight shift and still managing to maintain that smile plus energy levels that let her zoom around.

Losing the weight.

I love this. I hit 14st, which is what I call my upper limit. It's not an obese weight for me because I carry that on a relatively broad frame with a lot of the weight taken up in power legs. I'm now 12st4(ish) and appreciating losing that weight. With improvements in my outside condition, I have most of my old agility back. All thanks to losing that weight.

How did the weight fall off ? I haven't been exercising, although I need to start again when my outsides are clear. It's from a change in diet, to a more carb rich pasta type diet. There's a 3 for deal in A Supermarket which led to about half my meals being these pasta ready meals (must learn to cook them myself). That's set calories plus healthier components.

I still sadly have a double chin. Don't think I'll get rid of that any time soon. Oh and when I get banned from the car park (for living too close to work), the walking to and from the bus will soon sort out those legs. I won't be playing cricket next summer though, I'm too broken and the fun had gone out of it.

Talking of fun ...

A good belly laugh always helps heal the soul. And the less said about The Equaliser (watched last night with Crazies) there, the better - well made but very nasty film. I'm looking forward to a few films coming soon. The birthday movie will be Interstellar, I'm a sucker for a good scifi movie. Other forthcoming films I'm looking forward to include :

Turtles ! Must see, even though it is a Michael Bay
Annabelle - and if a certain little lady needs someone to hug in the scary bits, I'd be overjoyed to oblige. This one made me jump in the trailer. That never happens !
Fury - is a WW2 film about a tank crew
Hunger Games : Mockingjay - should be good if it's up to the standard of the first 2.
Imitation Game - another which a certain little lady might like (it has the Benedict) but I'll watch it for the WW2 codebreaking story
And Hobbit 3

I hope that pretty little lady does read this, there's a few things that get said that just make me want to offer the hug and a someone to talk to who is away from her normal world. You know, a safety valve where you can let your guard down and ... relax and regenerate. We both seem to be locked into a form of mutual loneliness. Mine is due to that skin condition, it's been an enforced thing because I haven't wanted to inflict it on anyone. But I'm hoping to be clear "soon." by the end of this year at least which will be about darn time.

I mentioned a good belly laugh didn't I ?

While I don't really have the energy to put into playing the games in the evening, that doesn't stop me watching the gameplay videos from people like Yogscast. There's two I'd particularly like to mention. And you've seen me mention them before - it's Hannah and the ever adorable Kim.

Hannah is the wild child of the group. Her commentary is nuts. And huge fun. It's totally unfiltered and shows how much she enjoys the game. Or how much she's affected by it. There's a scene in Mass Effect 3 where Mordin Solus, Salarian Scientist goes off to a heroic end. You know he ain't getting out alive. And it nearly brings the tears out (in me too!) because you know it has to be done. Well, you can hear the tears in Hannah's voice as you see it play out. And you hear the evil chuckles as she's being sneaky in something like Assassins Creed (must play that soon).

Kim is the maverick. Unpredictable with a dirty laugh that's always bubbling away, waiting to erupt. And this as a little person with a massive personality. 100% adorable, 100% of the time.

And it's that mucky laugh and the antics in the videos that tends to send me off to bed with a big smile.

Laughter is truly the best medicine. And I'll finish off on this note : Keep smiling. Keep that positive vibe going. Grin, laugh, concentrate on the good. A good laugh will shake off all manner of tired thoughts.

Guess who's about to chuckle along to my 2 favourite youtube people ?

From moving pictures to ...

I see lots of funny pictures coming my way over the net.

It's been a while since I posted any ! So here goes. First up. I'm a dragon fan. I like dragons. They have power. Or they are hypercute. My current twitter avatar is :

My twitter avatar is the one that tends to change at will these days, although I've been diving back into the Facebook archives to get pictures for it.

Dragons aren't real though (Honest!). Unless :

Yes. I have a dragon in the kitchen. He is guarding the front door from atop the fridge-freezer.

Guess who wants a new camera ;-)

We were talking movies the other day weren't we ?

Must watch 2001 again. Must acquire 2010. 2001 was a masterpiece of cinematography with special effects that were miles ahead of their time. But ... it was boring ! 2010 had more excitement, although a lot was sliced out of the book. Talking of books :

I have a very good friend called Cyberkitten who absolutely devours books. Reads them too occasionally

Oh - did I mention cameras earlier ?

Definitely. Although :

There seems to be a gap in movies at the moment. Perhaps they're all struggling to measure up to :

Love that film. And its music. But especially Groot. I suspect Groot models will be a favourite gift this Xmas.

I get identified as a pooter geek fairly often and it happened again today. But. Please :

Last one :

I think I've scared some of the Okcupid people away by being too honest. But - I believe that honesty is the best policy. I am suffering from a long term health condition, although it relented enough today to let me leg it around the Mall. I'm a little bit broken but no way near being an invalid. I won't pretend to be a paragon of health, cos I'm not and never was. But ...

I'll continue to face the world with a massive grin, I'll continue to fight the problems. Some people don't seem to like that ! I see it more as owning the problem instead of being owned by it. However, sometimes it does feel a bit like :

Cya ! I think that's enough piccys for today. Maybe ...

Minions are awesome.

Favourite movies

I say a lot about the music I love to listen to here. But I'm also a dedicated follower of ... (not fashion, definitely not fashion) movies.

So what are my favourites ? I'll keep it down cos you know what I'm like with that Wall Of Text tendency. But before I start, the catalyst for this one is that darling little lady Kim who has put a couple of "... is the most perfect movie ever. THERE IS NO DISCUSSION!" on her twitter. And I'd agree with the picks too. Cos I like them too.

I'll put them first. But before, check out her channel to get an idea of why I'm so fascinated. There's a definite sense of FUN, FUN, FUN, mischief that comes over during the gameplay that's matched with an enchanting mix of crazy and professional. She can do both when she wants/needs to. I'd recommend the Vlog playlist and most definitely the Last Of Us playthrough which won my heart.

To the movies !

First up and last night's perfect movie - Terminator 2. I'd go further and name the whole series. It's rare that a series maintains its quality over even 2 films, let alone 4. Hopefully there will be more. They got the best they could out of the technology available at the time and matched that to decent stories too. I think when I clear the unwatched blurays, I'll queue up the Terminator movies again.

Anyway - Terminator. Well realised stories, great acting, fantastic effects. Some of the best scifi ever made ?

Tonight's perfect movie - The Fifth Element. This takes the viewer on a helter skelter trip through Luc Besson's vision of the future, 400 years away. It's a colourful riot that draws you in, keeps you guessing and most definitely has you entertained. And it has that opera singer dance .... The music lover in me definitely approves.

For my third, I'll pick Moon. Scifi again. This tells the story of an astronaut on the moon who is there to keep the Helium mining operation going. But then accidents happen ... I especially like his caregiver monitor robot which expresses pseudofeeling through smileys.

Number 4 has to be Episode 4. I was hesitant about putting a Star Wars or a Star Trek in but you can't deny this movie its place here. Scifi again, set in a unique and fresh world. It changed scifi forever and for the better too. I wanted to be an XWing pilot, although I missed that game and went fighting rebels in Tie Fighters instead.

Number 5 is alive ! (Nah - I'm not picking Short Circuit, lots of 80s movies like that had charm but were ... real bad). Time for a disaster movie. I dunno why but I keep going back to The Day After Tomorrow. It has nothing really that makes it better than movies like 2012 but ... I kinda like it. It ends with a feely good type message. It has a disaster set up that I think may actually be plausible. And we even saw a little bit of it with last year's polar vortex ... Scary huh ?

Back to animation - Pixar have come out with some amazing movies but I'll actually go to Bolt. It's a movie about a SuperDog who isn't. He just thinks he is but is just having the effects added in around him. But the important thing is that he believes. Until he gets lost that is ... This is a truly magic movie and the burning building scene is another that gets the emotions going.

More animation - and I can't believe I've not watched this one since originally seeing it. Spirited Away will be a legendary movie for a long time. It's about a little girl who gets lost in an alternate, magical world. Her parents have been turned into pigpeople and she needs to figure out how to get them back. Cue a trip through this alternate world as the little girl struggles to first come to terms with the alternate reality and then fights to come out on top with mom and dad. Amazing movie.

8 are the two Sherlock movies with Robert Downey Junior. They're pure anarchy. And pretty brilliantly acted too. I'll keep going back to these for sure.

And talking Robert Downey Jr, I can't leave out Iron Man. Not so sure about the follow up movies (although Avengers was incredible) but the first was an excellent origins series. And that music showed off the sheer joy of his ability to create from technology.

Number 10 ? I'll pick another unusual one. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon wasn't the best (I think House of Flying Daggers) foreign language eastern themed film to come out but it was the first and allowed the rest of these fantastic movies to come through. This had ninjas having incredible fights while jumping, flying over buildings. It had several love stories running throughout. It had epic struggle. Outstanding stuff.

I'll end with a Number 11. And this is for the last Doctor Who. There's few times when I get emotionally choked up when watching stuff (Bolt is one) but Matt Smith drew that out of me a few times in his times as Doctor. So while they weren't cinema films, more TV movie, I'll add in his last two appearances The Day Of The Doctor and The Time Of The Doctor. Cos they hit me in the heart.

I'll leave it there but if you have some I've missed (so many movies, so few evenings !), please drop a comment.

And check out the wonderful Kim too.

A to Z - L is for Love of music

Sometimes I leave lots of days between posts. Sometimes that's cos I want to give certain people a chance to read the post. Sometimes it's because I like the top post so much.

I wouldn't say I enjoyed writing the last post. Enjoy is the wrong word for something that gets close to bringing out the waterworks. But - when a post feels very, very right ? Yeah. I like to leave those as top posts.

But ... I like my music posts too and we're overdue the rest of the L post. (I'm almost into N albums). Where were we ? Ah ha ! Last album was the Lily Was Here soundtrack.

Did I include Norah Jones' Little Broken Hearts in the L part 1 post ? This one is her latest. Norah's moving to a more poppy style, which is not a bad thing. She's still cranking out some cracking tunes. Happy Pills is no exception.

One of my earliest album buys and one of the best was Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos. This one has a wide array of varied and incredible songs. My favourite from this album is Happy Phantom although the wonderful Silent All These Years comes close. My voice is nowhere near the quality of this amazing angel of vocals but you can bet I'm belting out the words along with Madame Tori.

Mansun come in with their Little Kix album. Not bad. Bit samey.

If Tori Amos was one of my first albums, All About Eve were the first. And they've been a prized part of the collection ever since. They come into L with the Live & Electric album. AAE have had their back catalogue well and truly raided over the years as the label seemed to want to get every last penny out of spanking this horse. Live & Electric is good but there's not much here that isn't on the albums. That said, I'll always stop and listen to tracks like Martha's Harbour.

My sister has sent me a few highlight tracks from the Radio 1 Live Lounge albums. These have tracks being performed live by assorted artists. These have led to me buying everything that certain artists have come out with. But which artists and which songs ?

Ting Tings - Standing in the way of control
The Hoosiers - Lovestoned (ok, these guys have gone off but this cover is sublime)
Paramore - Love's Not A Competition
Goldfrapp - It's Not Over Yet (this song is so good !)
Bat For Lashes - Sweet Dreams

You got it - listing all those was pure excuse for listening to them again !

Next ! I heard about Rodrigo Y Gabriela through their tracks on the Puss In Boots soundtrack (will mention those at P!). Their self titled album is well worth a listen for chilled out rhythm guitar based sounds.

What did Mark Knopfler do after Dire Straits ? Movie soundtracks ! Well, this one actually came early. It's the magic Local Hero soundtrack and this is the closing theme. It's a movie about a city boy come to check out a remote Scottish town for oil. And he falls in love with the place and its people. Must watch it again.

EXCITED ! Next up, possibly the best album in my collection. Oh wait, that might be Super Extra Gravity.

It's the Cardigans ... with Long Gone Before Daylight. This album is magic. It's full of wonderful anthemic songs that you can sing along to quite happily. (Well - maybe if some of them weren't about domestic abuse!). I think I've linked everything here at some point, maybe not Feathers And Down ...

Soundtracks - you know they were coming. I have two Lord of the Rings soundtracks, Fellowship and Return of the King. They're both excellent soundtracks that fit and set the mood of the films perfectly.

Clannad are in here again with Lore. I dunno, it's a good close eyes + relax album but I'm not sure about highlights from it.

On the other hand, I found Lene Marlin through the Sitting Down Here single and have continued to pick up her albums. She has a delightful Norwegian tinged voice that couples with excellent songs like How Would It Be from the Lost In A Moment album.

Aimee Mann is another with an excellent voice, her Lost In Space album has highlights like Invisible Ink.

Another live album, this time from Neil Diamond with Love At The Greek. Honestly ? Leave this one on the shelf and pick up Hot August Night instead. It has a better collection of songs and is performed better.

Last but definitely not least is Love Over Gold by Dire Straits. This is only 5 tracks but they're all pretty decent, showing off the skills of each member of the band pretty well when they go into instrumental mode.

That's it for L ! I'm off to listen to Cardigans songs :-)

Thematic Exposition - In The Pink

This post has two parents ... Or sources of inspiration for it.

The first is Mr Carmi Levy's Thematic Photographic series, the latest is In The Pink. Here's mine ! I've only really got one Pink themed picture and people who have been here for a while will know what it is.

But ... there's another inspiration, Twitter has taken me to numerous people, one of whom is the wonderful Nika Harper aka Nikasaur. Here's a link to her Youtube channel where she posts Wordplay challenges. I thought - I can do one of those ! My problem is a lack of creative inspiration. I'm very definitely an engineer type who Does Things. Sometimes I do them in an unorthodox fashion but it's usually in response to a task. Thinking up the task is another thing entirely.

However - I thought I could tell the story of the Pink Hat. Hopefully it fits the theme of Exposition !

There it is - the infamous Pink Hat. And the Smiling Person beneath just happens to be ... me ! On to the story :

There was a boy who was not quite a boy any more. Years had taken their toll. Friends had moved on. Situations had evolved. People and their teams came and went. But the boy could always remember being young through sheer joy of Running. That's running very fast. And he could run, fast enough that the wind whistled through his ears.

The boy's usual excuse for running very fast was that a cricket match just happened to be breaking out at the same time.

However, the boy knew that his time when he could run very fast was coming to a close. The years were drawing on. Injuries were comparing notes and conspiring to make him slow. But the boy thought he could give something back.

But how ? He could run very fast but not for very long. He knew that typically, giving something back through running meant running a long way, which wasn't his strength. Cricket was his game, because cricket rewarded that warp speed running but also allowed a chance to recover.

And then he thought of the Pink Hat. Wherever he could, he would wear gear with a Pink theme. And that took some finding ! Eventually, he found the Pink Hat of legend. But why Pink ? Because of the Rose.

The Rose joined the boy's team quite late. She was part of another group who were added to the boy's team. She was perfect. She was tall but not stretched. She had an easy elegance and an understated beauty. She had a little smile that positively glowed. She was a genuinely nice, lovely person. And it was all taken from her by the ravages of breast cancer. Although the boy didn't let anyone see, he was devastated inside. How could someone so amazing be lost so young ?

And so he chose to wear Pink, not so much for raising funds. He didn't feel comfortable asking people for money. But definitely for awareness. Whenever anyone would mention the Pink Hat during or after a game, the boy would tell them about the Rose.

Sometimes there were tears. Sometimes the boy was combative in defending his Pink Hat. But everyone who saw it knew the reason for it. And so the boy achieved his objective of making people aware of that cruel illness and they took away a memory of that impossibly perfect Rose.

And it inspired the boy too. Whereas he would have acceded to the whims of a body which was struggling to run quicker than the wind, he continued to play. He only played 8 games that year but helped his teams to many wins, all in honour of the Rose.

The boy hasn't played much since that last year. But the boy, who struggles to show how sad he can be, was glad for a chance to show his feelings through the Pink Hat. And he's remembering now, the lady with the little smile framed by blonde hair typically drawn back in office friendly tails.

And that's what he'd like you to do. To remember. Remembering everybody who is lost is too much. However. Remember those close. We have all lost people like that. Remember them at their best. As I remember the Rose. As I remember my grandfather who was lost to prostate cancer. As I remember my nan.

Remember.

The End !

(back to blog mode)

Gosh writing that has awoken some feels. I can feel a tear or two choking up inside. But I can also remember that wonderful face of The Rose as she caught my Grin and answered with that little smile of her own. I think it made her feel welcome in the team her group had been parachuted into. They felt rather isolated at first having been mashed into one of the most integrated and tight knit teams around. I hope my Grins made things easier for them.

A healthy illusion

We all do that act quite well don't we ?

We see everyone around us as a glowing picture of health and we wonder - how come we're not like that ? It makes us feel bad that we're an odd one out who is being slowed down or otherwise compromised by the problems that we're carrying.

But hold on - there's a secret ...

Everyone has these problems !

Remember that.

But don't think of it as them handling things really well but you're not. It's just some people can maintain that illusion better than others.

Personally ? After the Zombie Patches healed and the bad bits could be hidden under clothes, I don't think many people realise how much of me was damaged. There's still a fair bit damaged but I'm hoping that it'll be all clear by Xmas (first time in over 3 years). But it's still a daily struggle for me.

Lots of people at work know now, cos I told them but what they see is my trademark Big Grin, my damaged hands when I show them and a definite struggle to start moving when I stand up. (Oh and occasional yelps when I upset my hip plus my attacks of the bad bits are ... noticed).

But it's what they notice - they notice the good and don't really see the bad. When people look at the lady who sits opposite my desk, they see a very beautiful, stunningly attractive woman. They don't see the pain I see in her eyes when the back pain gives her a reminder. With another, they see the energy but they don't see the difficulty she has in starting to move.

With a couple of my oldest friends, people see the Kick Butt 100% Competent ladies they both are. They don't see the doubts, the difficulties they both hide behind the Public Face.

We all do that too. We have a Public Face that we let the world see and a Private Face that says what we are really feeling.

One of my secrets is that when I'm in an empathic mode, I will see right through the surface and see the person within. I'll see the beauty within but I'll also see the pain. It's one reason why I see the hyperactivity as a mixed blessing. It's a fun ride but it makes noise which blocks the empathic senses.

I heard that someone I have a massive crush on has been having lots of problems lately. Chest infections and an energy debt that's meant she's had a lot of difficulty getting healthy again. I was shocked to hear that ! The Public Face didn't give any inkling to the problems. I guess that's one reason for that crush, because hiding the problems so well and presenting a Public Face that represents FUN, FUN, FUN and endless mischief means there's a lot of inner strength there.

That said, I'd have done anything to be nurse for this particular little lady. Being the person giving the hugs, bringing the soup (I'm rather partial to soup, not had any for ages !) and generally trying to lend a bit of my strength to help out the other person. I've not had much chance to do that lately and I kinda miss it.

That's what being partners is all about though. We enjoy each other and help each other out when we're struggling.

So how about me ? I've already said that my Public Face seems to be one of a bouncy, a little goofy youthful person who's a little too smart. And that it doesn't betray the health issues. But what's lurking beneath it ? I'll leave the skin trouble aside as I'm hoping I'm winning there. What else is slowing me down ?

My legs have been my strongest point yet they're very out of shape. I hit the trigger to Go Fast and the tank's empty. (There's a reason for that, I've not been using them enough, it'll come back).
My hips hate me - but only for a limited range of the total movement.
My diet is subject to allergies - I don't know what they are yet but I'm just about repaired enough that I can have an allergy test to confirm things like having to avoid orange juice.
My shoulder !!!!! I stops me bowling but it only affects about 5% of the movement range. No big deal.
Neck & Back - again, it's awkward now but as I normalise, I'm hoping it'll come back on its own.

For me, I'm not there yet but the prognosis is good. When I tried running on Saturday, everything still worked but it was just weak from disuse. I suspect that with the weight I've lost, I'd have a lot of fun zooming around a cricket field when those legs got conditioned again. I'm getting older chronologically but when I get the birthday donuts for the team in 2 months, I'm still hopeful that I can pull an under 30 guess out of at least 1 person when I ask for age guesses.

Did I mention that my Public Face has Kiddie Looks ? That said, I'm not a Milky Bar Kid any more. My shiny-blonde hair has darkened over the years and my ever present glasses aren't the NHS Big Plastic Rim style any more. Actually, I need another picture of that Public Face because the ones I have show ... chubby.

I guess I better close before I Wall Of Text too much ! Last message :

It's ok to struggle. We all are in our own way. Struggling, that is. Even the ones who look amazing, if she has an amazing figure then she may be hiding an eating disorder. The confident hyperactive (me!) may collapse in a puddle when he gets home. The Kick Ass lady who knows her job inside out may be riding the crest of a wave of doubt. The gym addict may be hiding a crippling self esteem issue (another reason I'm glad I have natural fitness!).

I know someone in Birmingham who is stunningly beautiful but has crippling issues with arthritis. She's staying strong and is earning lots of trust at work. You don't see the pain because the personality is so strong, in Public Face at least.

I'd like to have the chance to help someone out with their struggle. To be the person they turn to when they need a natter. To help someone frame the most difficult thoughts so they can sort them out into order and make sense of them. I talk a lot about my inner problems here (and I hope I don't bore you too much with them !) and it helps me sort out my own difficult thoughts.

But there are other problems I hide behind that Public Face which don't go here. There's a fair bit that doesn't go here actually ... and I'd appreciate someone to talk to about them.

We are stronger together*. Especially when we can drop that Public Face with someone we trust to see the Private Face. (And I do appreciate it hugely when my friends who trust me most let me in there)

*(A laughing PS - this is not a comment on the Scottish Independence vote. Although I do think they'd be mad to secede. Honest personal opinion : Scotland needs GB more than GB needs Scotland.)

iDevice Mania

Pre post confession - I feel like I been hit by the exhaustion hammer ... rationality and quality may be compromised !

Apple have hit the headlines again with the announcements about their latest kit. I thought I'd say what I think about the various classes of computing devices out there. I'll refer to the Apple devices throughout but I think what I say about the various device size classes applies to them all, whether they're Android or from people who believe Microsoft can deliver reliable and usable kit.

(That last comment - it's my firm belief that Microsoft are playing a private joke on us all by steering their software to unusability and they're seeing how far they can push it)

However ... Apple does have that lock in thing, both with making it difficult to move away and by attempting to force you to use particular versions of software. I refuse to downgrade to iTunes 11 because I rely on the iTunes DJ function within iTunes 10.7. This means I'm staying to iOS 6.1 and older versions of MacOS X.

First up - the iWatch. I'll just say right now, there's not a cat in hell's chance of me getting one of these. I own an Accurist wrist watch which got bought last century. It keeps time almost perfectly (not quite as good as it was but 30 secs between daylight savings time changes) and I can never remember how many times it has had a new battery. Here it is :

Gosh that's an old picture. Or is it ? I can't honestly remember. Anyway - that watch does all a watch needs to do, although it did go mute on one of its battery changes. I can read it in very low light and I can read it without my glasses on. That's the advantage that analogue watches have for me over digital watches, it's easier for me to see the angle of the hands than for me to decode the fuzziness of a display.

I can see some of the functions that a smart watch may have would be useful for some people - it's in contact with the skin so it can detect things like pulse and temperature. But - it's a device that has no purpose for me.

iPods - I own an iPod Nano which saw a decent amount of service with music in the car. But I don't use it any more because my phone provides the same facility. It's a shame this one has become redundant but if you have a device that does the same without any effort involved in hooking it up, then one device gets left to gather dust.

iPhone - I'm thoroughly addicted to using smart phones now. I'm not sure what I would do without easy access to the internet. It's not just the Facebook, email and twitter. It's the ability to look up maps, weather, sport, radio. All that stuff. It keeps you connected to the world. And it's a phone.

Incidentally, that last is why I ditched my Android phone. It failed as a phone by having 1 in 5 calls go to pure static. That may have been solved with newer software but it was a Sony Xperia that was OEM locked into an archaic version.

I firmly believe the smartphone is here to stay, although I suspect they are getting too big now. They are bridging the gap to :

iPads - to be painfully honest, I will not buy one of these. I can see their purpose, they're a perfectly acceptable mini computer while having the screensize that almost makes watching movies or streamed telly, or reading books, making those activities viable. But there is that lock in that makes it difficult to e.g. watch Skygo on a telly from an iPad. (I think iPlayer works with that but Skyplayer failed).

For me, the iPad is a device in the middle. My phone does what it can do and for times when I'd use the iPad, I would have my laptop available. I don't require that device in the middle. It's an unnecessary purpose. I can see its appeal as a gadget but before you expend cash on these things, make sure you actually need it.

Laptop - this is my main computing device. My Macbook is where I communicate by email and it does the internet thingys as well. I also run my iTunes listening from the laptop. But I don't use it for gaming or for the occasional graphic manipulation. The advantage of laptops is their portability but this is also their disadvantage due to smaller screens, less computing power and awkward UIs. The keyboard and touchpad on the Macbook Air are excellent but I wouldn't want to manipulate pixels with them.

Desktop - gaming powerhouse. If too many applications go on a desktop, it slows down (Microsoft effect). So mine is aimed purely at watching video, gaming and that occasional graphic manipulation. You can load up a desktop with hefty graphics hardware that won't fit too well in a laptop. Mine has over 1000 parallel processing cores in the graphics chip. That's lots. But I won't do the gaming when I visit the mom and dad, so I don't need the hassle of moving the powerful thingy around. The laptop does the job.

So :

iWatch - spawn of fashion. Will avoid like the plague although it'll be the next big fad that everyone has to own.
iPod - gathering dust on the shelf cos the phone does what it does.
iPhone - essential for everyday satisfaction of internet addiction.
iPad - device in the middle that is a bit redundant if you have iPhone and laptop.
Laptop - computing on the move, general purpose applications.
Desktop - for gaming and stuff where a big screen is handy.

Other people's uses will vary - that's my honest take on what's useful.

And I can feel my rationality slipping - The skin's improving but I'm feeling pain from stomach muscles that I think I've torn somehow plus a few more internal niggles too. I also feel like I've been hit by the exhaustion bat, so it could be early shower tonight, retire early, hope for some sleep.

PS I think I'll be buying a camera sometime this year too. Any recommendations for a sub £100 camera ?