Mixing up the emotions

I have them all at the moment I think ...

Let's see :

The best one is a HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! to someone special who I hope will see this and have a read. I was going to do another Alphabet post today but with the news I've had, heart's not in it now. I need to think.

That's the next emotion - thoughts of futility.

To be honest, I've had the thoughts of futility for a while with the condition of my outsides. I keep saying I'm improving but I never actually get better. The condition seems to evolve and change over time. I see improvements in some areas (some of the deep cuts have healed !) but more damage appears in other areas.

I would like to be back to the normality of properly healed skin, I just don't know when that's going to be and it's extremely wearing mentally for a bunch of reasons. The first is having something wrong with me that doesn't appear to want to fix.

But it is steadily improving. The news I had today is about someone who may not improve and my first thought on hearing that is to either find someone who is willing to give me a hug for a long time or to curl up in a ball on the bed and shut the world out for a while. It's added a bit of weight to a feeling I've had for a while about someone.

No more about that for here though. Let's just say I'm rattled and my first instinct which is to help people knows that I can't help in this case. My outsides even mean I can't be around to give a little support. (Need a quiet weekend and would really prefer not to go into work tomorrow).

I'm still tired too. My body doesn't want to sleep at the moment. I'll be tired and yawning my head off in the evening with no energy but when it comes to bed time, I just can't sleep. I may actually be having broken sleep but it doesn't feel like that.

Ouchies - my shoulder has decided it wants to be out of place for a while, which is ... ouch. I haven't found the way yet to pop it back where it should be. Oh well, if it wasn't the shoulder it would be something else (my back dislikes me at the moment).

That's enough here about the bad stuff though.

I may go off and hide for a while at the cinema tomorrow afternoon to watch Independence Day;
Thoughts are with the person the news is about;
More thoughts are remembering a happy smiling birthday person face;
I've been happily addicted to Stellaris ...
... and my Happy Hive race was doing well*
(I'm restarting to remove a mod and to add some more mods)

And I'm hoping that 2016 will actually turn around and get good at some point. It's been a horrible year so far.