Alphabet of the Human Heart - G and H

This one's overdue !

I told someone that I was going to do the next one of these at the weekend but then had a thought trigger to do (and this is where tiredness shows cos I just had to look up what I wrote) a post about the Bath Market and then Terminator triggered a Movies of the Year post. Yesterday evening was spent watching a group of ladies who were very hopped up on stuff that made one of them superhyperactive as they played horror games. Wasn't taking my eyes off that, although I was thinking of someone else while watching them.

(Besides - last night saw a weak Sleepy head over to the pizza shop to indulge a craving ... and then suffer one of the worst acid events I've had in years which robbed me of all but maybe an hour of sleep. I wasn't ill but I thought I was going to be. Mostly better now, apart from lacking zzzzz's.)

Before doing G and H, someone I know needs :

Hope you're ok.

It won't surprise you that G is for Greed. Too much of the good thing is a bad thing (Ha ! Me with pizza !). Spiritually, the material world is immaterial (that was out of the book : very deep). Values define us, not valuables.

Sometimes the things that make us happy, don't. I find a lot of material things to be very shallow. They are shiny for an instant, then you forget them. But I have a few pictures which are guaranteed to make me burst into a Big Grin when I see them (No - not the one of the Happy Cookie Place). When I see people smiling due to something that I have done, that makes me the happiest I can be.

I have a greed to see the hit counter go up. But seeing the groups of hits that have been coming in over the last few days (maybe 5x normal traffic) just means a bigger number. I am far happier when I see the reasonably distinctive hits that show that close friends have taken a peek at what I'm up to.

Random cluster hits - just means a bigger number.
Peeks from friends - means they care enough to see what I wrote.
That caring is what makes me very happy and it's a big reason why this blog is in its 11th year.

The things we should value most have no pricetag. A smile is priceless.

G is also for Gratitude.

And it is so often expressed with smiles. Smiles are awesome. It is saying thank you for life, when you give thanks, thanks gives back.

I like to show gratitude, although sometimes it is hidden beneath awkward shyness. I suspect it is why I am recognised at the various places I go to for food. Always be thankful to those who bring you food. You get better food. Although (looks at tummy), I perhaps need to be eating less food.

Gratitude also gets returned later on. I get decent cooperation from a good number of people at work, because they know I will appreciate what they do. By giving thanks to those who help me out, it means I may be able to lean on their help again later. It also assists there if the help is not a one way street, helping others means they are less likely to look away when you need help.

And we all need help from time to time. Even those who don't like to show it.

Gratitude grows wherever it is planted.

H is for Hate, which is a word I really don't like.

Hate has no good ends. It plants a seed that grows and sickens the soul. A hateful person is a shrivelled echo of what they once were.

Don't give into hate. Rise above it. Don't let it control you. Don't let it become a part of you. It is the root of so many other negative emotions.

Stay positive. Be a good person, not one led by hate. (Obligatory Star Wars quote considering what's coming : Don't give in to the Dark Side, once you stray down that path, forever will it consume you)

When Ravenwolf walked out, I could have allowed the anger to turn to hate. I looked back, looked forward and chose not to. A similar choice happened when I heard she had moved in with one of the cricket mob, a fella who I used to give lifts home to. When we ended up in the same team a few years later, I suppressed any hate and treated him like a proper team mate. And I think that really freaked him out. That led to far more amusement for me than anything hate could have led me to feel.

H is also for Hope.

The knowledge that all things pass. The promise that things will get better.

I was in a really wretched condition a few years ago and I am still not fully repaired yet. I am my own worst enemy there because I keep redamaging the bad bits. However, hope reigns through the observation that the bad bits are steadily receding as my outsides normalise.

I have a small number of amazing friends and I hope that I will continue to be a part of their lives into the future.

Before this last year, the hope that I would find a lovely person who was interested, interesting and would find me interesting too was fading. All attempts at contacting people like that faded into silence. I suspect regular readers will know that has improved immeasurably and there is one in particular who gives me a guaranteed Massive Smile when a text comes in.

Someone asked my motivation for writing these posts. It's like a love letter to those who (for some inexplicable reason) find me interesting. They let me borrow their attention and in return, I try to make them smile or chuckle through what I write or it at least gives them promise of more prose to catch their interest.

I hope tonight's post succeeds in that !

But above all, believe in that hope. Things get better. Sometimes you need a friend to help you see that. What is broken today can be fixed tomorrow. Nothing stays bad forever.

Hope you have a good end of year. I'm definitely ready for it. After last night's bad acid attack, I felt my batteries die mid afternoon today. But I'm hopeful that my body will repair some more and regenerate some energy over the winter break.

Before I go :

Cya.