Wednesday, March 26, 2014


We all have them. Some are worse than others.

Mine aren't too bad. Except if you run into me before I've diluted the blood in my caffeine stream :
Yeah, I'm addicted to coffee. And chocolate. And biscuits.

But as addictions go, it's not a bad one. I don't have compulsions to have it, I just need at least one mug of proper coffee a day or I get headaches. I tried to convert to fake (decaff) a few years ago but I'd be barely human by lunchtime.

To be honest, I don't think I really need the coffee to wake me up. The bus trip and the walking tend to do that quite effectively. And whether or not I act human to others depends on :

Whether they nick my desk (had to evict someone today - he was rude so I was rude but we were grinning at each other before long)
How many smiles I get

That's another thing I'm addicted to. I get withdrawal symptoms if I don't have people smiling at me. I think that's one of my gifts, to get that smile in response to my grin.

It's weird though. There's a few people who for whatever reason of their own, refuse to have much to do with me. There seemed to be a lot of daft stuff going on in my old team, Chinese Whispers about everyone. That's really unhealthy. I know things have been said about me around that team but I don't know what, who instigated it and who it got said to. I just know that it has irrevocably harmed some of the relationships I had with my old team.

And I really don't know what I did to deserve that. Perhaps it was an attempt to be everyone's friend and colleague, despite a few wrecking ball people within the team. There's a definite sense of people believing what other people tell them about others, instead of going by what they know for themselves.

Whatever it is, I see it as being their problem and not mine. I'll still give them the massive grin and a wave when I see that old colleague, despite the Face Of Stone I sometimes get in response.

But I definitely value the Big Grins, Little Smiles and Dainty Waves I get from the better people. And I must say, the Dainty Wave I got from one of my most valued friends last night on the way out of work really cheered me up when I was heading chest first into Grottiness. That took my mind off that for enough time to get home. A chat with a neighbour helped too ;-).

Oh - over the last few days with old colleagues it's been :
One Face Of Stone
A bit of being ignored by a colleague from way back (I asked a question she should have been able to help us out with, no response even though I've jumped to help her out lots in the past)
One You've been an awesome help (she was too, she's just this week moved on to something I think she'll find far more fun than an office job)
A Dainty Wave as I passed the smoking shelter
The usual bemused smile from a business manager from waaaaay back - she's one of those who I rarely see but when we happen to be in the same place, there's that old connection again.
And the quirky smile from the Naughty Angel as we passed on the way out today.

Yeah, still having good days and bad days. Some are better than others and in general, they're much better than a month or so ago. The bad days are better than the good days were back then. And because I don't believe in myself that much, feedback, smiles and metaphorical pats on the back from people help me out a lot.

Addictions ?

I used to be thoroughly addicted to games. I guess I am after a fashion but it's nowhere near the level it used to be. I think that gaming addiction is what really drove Ravenwolf away. Now I get most of my gaming kicks from watching the people on Youtube play. They and their reactions can be hilarious fun in a way that playing on your own sometimes can't. It was like that in the WoW guilds too, I miss that. The communities I was in kinda broke up. VR is still going but it does bring back memories of when the Mercs went sour.

I still do the gaming - but it's more something to keep my mind working on something when I'm not watching recorded stuff or have run out of YT videos. But I don't feel the compulsion to do the grinding that many games demand these days. Doing the same thing over and over again for promise of little rewards doesn't have that much hold on me now.

No - my real addiction these days is a craving for interaction with others.

Computer stuff, telly stuff, even books can be very predictable. But how other people react when you send them something silly ? Priceless. Or it would be if you get a reaction out of them. Sometimes the daft comment goes unseen or unnoticed and you lose the opportunity to escalate Daft into Hilarious. (Or should that be descend into madness instead of escalate ?). Half the daft comments I send have something much naughtier behind them waiting for a response from that first initiating comment.

Anyway - that's my addictions. They're pretty minor :

Caffeine - or I get headaches
Doing Stuff - or I get really fidgety
Interacting with people - or I get really bored and find a victim for a Daft Comment
Listening to music - this kinda fits into that variation theme, as I rarely listen to the same track twice in a month
Running Very Fast - not so much now.
Doing stuff for other people - it brings out the smile

The pizza addiction got booted because I definitely react to the cheese. The excess of acid it makes me produce is unpleasant ... but doesn't overweigh the awesomeness which is pizza. Perhaps I should make pizza a Stay Up All Night thing ? That way the acid won't matter and it'll tire me out enough that I'll sleep proper the next night.

That sounds eerily like a Cunning Mad Scientist Plan.

And I'm still wondering about the Cunning Plans for Friday. I'm really looking forward to EGXRezzed. It should be a huge laugh. Hopefully I'll hear the legendary (to me at least) Kim laugh coming out too and a bit of that Hannah magic.

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