On the bright side

I'm feeling better today after yesterday's post about me struggling.

Part of it is rationalising the thoughts about that dear friend who's had that major trial. A lot of that is trying to understand what they've gone through and how they're dealing with it.

If someone's struggling, you shouldn't be telling them how to deal with it. Unless you happen to have gone through that same trial yourself. That goes for everything, from pain, to illness, to the impact of psychological or physical attacks. Unless you've experienced the same, you can't tell people how they should be dealing with it because you don't truly understand it.

But what does that leave ?

Gentle support. Let them talk through their issue. Let them explain their pain. Remind them that they're strong enough to stand up to the people attacking them.

We all have that strength within us, although we sometimes forget. We can remind those who have forgotten that they're strong.

For me, it really does help to at least think through my problems. And sometimes the problems of others. I'll write things out here, like I'm doing now. But I don't write everything here, some of it stays within my brain. Like the trial my dear friend has gone through, like the trials other dear friends have faced (and still face) over the years.

We can listen, we can support, we can tell people how brave they are in being that awesome person. We can step back in amazement that they bend, not break under that strain.

And when we can't give them their answers, due to not totally understanding their pain, there's always the all-enveloping bear hug. I hope I give good hug. I definitely give good smile, it's contagious.

I've definitely cheered up today. And there's a few reasons for that :

Expressing the feelings yesterday. We have to do that, bottled up feelings just fester and make the strain worse.
Lots of good chat. Hello SQ and LTK !
A fantastic friend who tolerates my geekiness and often challenges it (Hi CK!)
And more friends too.

Not to mention - messages from Cupid's Gift that turn a slightly pained shamble into a hyperactive bounce and a struggle :

Into :

In fact, I just saw the pic from Comic Con again and ... instant Silly Grin.

Yeah - I'll struggle. But I bounce back. Usually when people remind me that I have a certain strength inside.

So if you have a friend in need, if they're struggling, give them some help. Don't tell them how they should deal with it, you may make their situation worse through misunderstanding. Let them explain what they're going through. Let them talk through it.

Support them. They'll appreciate it. And they may well return the favour when you need a little help too.

I know I have those friends I can send random stuff to and they'll make me feel valued with a little chat back. I'm a lonely guy, that chat back is the fuel that feeds my smile.

PS There's an announcement coming here tomorrow morning ... be sure to check it out.