Sleepy is tired

Ok - there I go ... admitted it.

Definitely looking forward to a break over Easter right now, it'll be the first time off work since Xmas. I have a touch of the manic-depressive and I've been tending to the manic lately. It's a fun state of being as I feel more alive when I'm there. But :

Like a candle, burning bright burns faster, burns out quicker.
Fire burns what it touches
Fire is unpredictable

Been feeling like I've been burning hot for a while now, with the fuel coming from being busy at work. Feels like we're achieving things at the moment, our next Big Milestone is already way ahead of where we were for the last Big Milestone. I now feel sufficiently in to the processes now that I Own them instead of trying to figure out what they are. The bit that I'm responsible for is now in a state of waiting for results instead of trying to figure out what needed to be done.

Not bad for a year in the post, probably should have gotten there quicker though.

However, the downside to Manic is unless I go Tunnel Vision, it can be quite tough to focus on actually getting stuff done. Distractions tend to rule the day, with shiny or pretty things getting the attention. Definitely the pretty ones (I'm still a sucker there). Flexible working hours and my working pattern tend to help there, as I tend to stay later than most people meaning I can get the focus going after everyone else has gone home.

Acting without thinking tends to have long term consequences as well, although hopefully my Go To Girl* won't hold the Lemsip comment against me for too long. By how she sounded on the phone, I'm amazed she made it in yesterday, let alone put in a full day's hard work. One reason why we're ahead for our next Big Milestone is people like the Go To Girl.

*(she's who I Go To when I need something more than the information we usually get or if I'm confused)

Yep - I can be somewhat abrupt, because I'm thinking 5 times quicker than some people can. I'll assume everyone is at the same step of logic I got to 10 minutes before. Or I'll say the wrong thing at the wrong time and not realize how it's affected someone.

Still - being hyperactive and manic is far better than the alternative, which is a person that struggles to get the motivation to do anything. Depressive is a bit different to "I don't wanna get up cos my legs are sore" because those sore legs tend to have been earned by running around. No - depression is far worse than that because you don't know why you've not got the motivation to do anything but curl up in a ball. At least with concrete legs from cricket the night before, you know why it's a struggle.

I think I'm managing the manic a bit better than I used to. I try and go by a "only eat if you're hungry" mantra but even there, I'm possibly munching more than I have done. That'll be from some OCD patterns coming in but it'll also be a bit of hyperactivity burning through the calories. I've definitely seen a benefit from starting the day with a teacake switching to bacon sarnie on a Friday. There's no distracting hunger pangs coming in at 11am with an hour to go before lunch.

Meh - I'm in Rambling Wall Of Text mode again :-)

I tend to deal with my issues far better if I can turn the random thoughts into something ordered. Or even just letting them tumble out into a disordered post like this one helps. To deal with your problems you have to know what they are. Not recognising them just means you're hiding from them. Or even worse, you're in denial like me with the Snow Queen leaving the project*.

*(I miss the leaving party due to travelling, which is a big shame cos with our Snow Queen, it'll be a riot)

Oh - last bit. I might be repeating one of my old cycles. With my cars, I've gone Cushy -> Fast -> Cushy -> Fast and so on. My Focus is probably a disappointment because I went Fast -> NotQuiteSoFast. Well, next car is looking like a choice between Honda's CR-Z and Lexus/Toyota CT200h/Prius. I suspect the CR-Z would be a disappointment because ... Hell, at 10secs to 60 it's just not FAST. And the CT200h/Prius has the same 0 to 60 acceleration* while having superior tech under the bonnet.

*(it's a shame the official figures don't go for the far more useful 50-70 in a gear overtake numbers, rather than the artificial 0 to 60, 50 to 70 tells you far more about driveability)

With a sporty car, you expect to have a bit of wheelspin once in a while. I can catch the Focus's traction control out when I feel like it. I don't think the CR-Z would actually be fast enough to have the wheelspin thing. What's the point of a sporty car if a Red Wun Duzn't Go Fast ? If your next car's going to be slower, why not take it easy with a bit of luxury ...

You can probably tell I'm talking myself into spending cash again.

First things first though, my Focus has a service & MOT to get through before the loan I have on it finishes. It'll be good to trade up this time around, as having to do an emergency buy last time meant I effectively traded down by getting an older (newer car but relatively older) and bigger car.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And there's a silhouette of the Easter Bunny's ears there ...