Thursday, April 27, 2017

I think I broke something

I don't bounce much any more.

I used to .... Hell, I'm pretty sure I've broken fingers, a leg and dislocated shoulders and still kept on playing.

Tonight it's a couple of things but it's mainly from going crunch on the bus just before the stop. I must have hit my shoulder just in the wrong spot. It happened when coming down the steps ... and the bus hopping over the speed bumps in the road or braking to a halt. I hit the shoulderblade of my weak right shoulder on the hard bit of what was behind me, immediately went OUCH. It was definitely a CRUNCH moment.

And then more ouch after getting myself off the bus. Getting walking again helped, I did the Tesco run (no Harvester sundae tonight - more in a bit) but I can feel the after effects of the bump.

I definitely don't bounce any more ! The problem is that you react to the bump instinctively, which can then upset more parts of you. So as well as a numb arm (it's not too bad but I think I'm in for a rough Friday, I also have the sore neck ....

This is going to sound a lot like me feeling sorry for myself, which I do apologise for. You don't want to hear the sad. You want to hear the bouncy hyper sleepy.

But yeah. At the moment, it's a poorly shoulder, a really unhappy neck that had me ouching yesterday morning anyway (one of the ladies in the meeting I was in starting waving manically in my direction - I thought to me ! But it was to someone outside and when I turned my head to look ... bang - ouch .... poorly neck tells me off again). And the hip that is steadily getting more and more destroyed.

Yep. Am old and feeling that today.
But it's not all bad though. I have people looking out for me, who both cheer me up and tolerate me being mad and bouncy around them. It is nice having people like the Canteen Ladies have my lunch ready for me to pick up. I don't ask for that ! Although it is a sign perhaps that I am far too predictable (Turkey in a Baguette). Work gets stressful (because we push ourselves hard there) but I like to think that the smiles and grins I give and receive there help us clobber our way through.

It definitely helps me keep on going through.

And then there are the people outside work as well who are .... amazing. You know who you are !

No Harvester ? No sundae ?

I have to admit, it's been a long time since I have raided that Harvester. Which is a shame because munchies there tend to give me a pick me up. As well as the physical stuff though, I'm working through after effects of me eating something or somethings that my body hasn't appreciated. (Am ok, just not feeling right down there) So I thought I should spare my tummy the effort of coping with a lactose laden sundae. Nope, that wouldn't be smart right now ! Maybe next week for the sundaes.

Yep. Not feeling my best at the moment, which is one reason why I'm not doing the travelling thing this weekend. (Part of it is also bank holiday traffic and not wanting to murder my ankles again).

It's not all bad though.

The week off work did me a lot of good. I've been getting the signs of hyperactivity again, I'm more focused than before the break (I am seeing silly errors that I did before which are being fixed now). My ankles and feet are much better ! Yeah, I'm scared about setting that healing backwards but that's just a symptom of how the condition has imprinted itself on my brain.

If you've been sick for a while, you'll know what I mean. If you have doubts coming in from mental issues, any mental issues, you'll know how those doubts can cripple you. In my case, I know that the various cricket ball vs head injuries have changed me. My memory is damaged from them, I think* I'm different, I'm slower.

*The scary thing is not being able to quantify the damage. To not know what the difference is between before and after. To have your sense of Self impinged upon.

In my case, I know it's from the cricket ball incidents. People who suffer from depression are not so lucky. It can be coldly considered as a chemical imbalance in the brain, which manifests in crippling doubt and an inability to see self worth. I'm lucky that I don't have that but I think I understand people who do. They don't want to be sad or unhappy, they just are due to their bodies and minds working against them.

Give them your understanding, your love and support. Give them recognition when they reach out for support. It's so difficult to come out and say when you're struggling. I try and distract people with silliness or humour when I think they need it.
And definitely the daft cat memes.

Yep. I have the hurts at the moment but I also have a quiet weekend (plus a little Guardians of Galaxy 2 tomorrow) to recover from it.

I sense the weekend will have lots of sleeps, a healthy dose of chill out, some remedy of chatter and a prescription of fun. Plus a teacake tomorrow morning at work.

Not quite sure if the XCom 2 campaign (or the Darkest Dungeon run I may start) counts as Fun (more like .... terror) but I definitely enjoyed my first play through of XCom 2 and I have bought the expansions since then.

I hope you all have great weekends whatever you are up to !

PS I haz tobbleronnie, easter egg, popcorn, lemon sherbets, lemon sherbet popcorn, MINI EGGS !!!
I'll be ok.

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