Small is beautiful

A little bit of random telly I caught a while ago that now has me hooked is Leverage.

It's not what I usually go for, there's no lasers, jetpacks, teleporters or other bits of sciency-fiction technobabble in here. Just a lot of style and clever smarts in how it sets up the scenarios in each episode.

They also have a lot of fun with how the episodes play through to. The 5 main characters don't necessarily totally like each other but there's a lot of respect for each other's abilities. It's a series where the cast works really well together. But one catches the eye early :

That's Beth Riesgraf who plays Parker. Very definitely a Bad Girl. She's the thief of the bunch and certifiably crazy.

Maybe that's why the twinkle catches the eye. She's actually not that small but that's the way it looks on screen. Perfection (even with the craziness) in a very tiny package (like a few others I could mention !)

Anyway - just really enjoyed watching the pilot episode again and I'm now looking forward to watching the rest of the series. Hell, I even bought season 2 unseen and I very rarely do that.

Here's another character who joins in with making this a cool series to watch :

Very true. The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth.

PS Boy does surround sound make you jump out of your skin if gunfire goes off on the soundtrack taking you by surprise. Jeez !
PS2 Feeling a bit better today for some reason I can't fathom. Must be the bacon sarnie in the morning and the prospect of the weekend to come.

In need of a Hobbes

I'm feeling like that somewhat at the moment. Depression is a curse suffered by many (CQ calls it the Ugly Monster) and I'm definitely no exception. In my case, it's probably a case of manic-depression. I enjoy riding the wave of being hyperactive manic but I know there's usually a downside to come later.

At the moment, my Ugly Monster is raising its head from :
The cold. It's getting into my bones and muscles, feeling like someone's poured concrete down my spine. It's actually not that much worse than normal, except that I'm feeling it more due to not having that hyperactivity to let me blast through it.
Feeling lonely.

It's that loneliness that is really biting at the moment. I have great friends, like the Snow Queen, Craziequeen, BK, half the people on my Facebook, CK, BD & RCA. Trouble is, when I'm needing to reach out to them, I'm usually picking the wrong time. It's hard to have a heart to heart in work time. People are busy. (Including me !)

What I need is the chance to talk with someone until we're literally falling asleep. Bit like the original intention for 03.45am No Sleep, talking with friends until it's so late you can't stop your eyes closing. There's stuff I'd need to talk about that are too private to be put here. However, there's also me finding it difficult to talk to people about what I feel. I'd need absolute trust and confidence in secrets to talk about some of it. I must look a rather different person outside the happy smiling armour I habitually keep up.

I've not let that armour down to allow those emotions to be released for a Very Long Time now (even in my last serious relationship I was walling off). I guess I've just been single too long now and in need of more hugs.

There's also a touch of being frustrated in helping people. I know there's a few of my friends who could do with similarly opening their armour and unburdening those pent up emotions or just being able to talk through their situation to someone who can offer a soft shoulder and a willing ear ... but the frustration is in not being let in to offer the help. I'm wanting to help - I just don't know how.

Going back to the cold, here's another Calvin & Hobbes scene :

We're threatened with snow tonight, which could make it interesting to get into work tomorrow. When it snowed a few years ago, I was one of the few who made it in. It was seriously tempting to do a snow scene like the one above, except instead of salutes there would have been branches like the rifles of a firing squad. On the other side, there would have been a single snowman with a blindfold.

Woulda been hilarious. Like the rest of the Calvin & Hobbes strips done by Bill Watterson who is an absolute genius. Sadly there's no more Calvin & Hobbes being made.

By the Power Of Crunchie !

Tired again. Not a great day for me this one - the cold temperatures are getting into my back and making it feel as if concrete has been poured down my spine. I have been able to ignore that (plus the bounciness keeps the stiffness away) but there is a limit.

It wasn't all bad, I was able to make the Snow Queen and Mrs Sunshine smile at seeing one or two of the comments headed their way after the Cricket Charity related postings. Mrs Sunshine got that codename cos that smile brightens up the room and it always warms the heart to see the Snow Queen smile. Although I am seriously scared by a comment by Dawnie on Facebook :

Me : it seems to be my lot in life. To be a slavish minion to the whims of Queens
Dawnie : At least she doesn't demand you being a Eunuch! :p

Yep. Scared.

I did manage to get some focus and energy going today though, thanks to the Power Of The Crunchie. (I didn't wave the Crunchie above my head with a cutscene of an old magical castle while transforming into He-Sleepy ... honest). Strange colourings can be good things ... in moderation :-) (The moderation comes from skipping the morning teacake)

Crunchie Power has mostly worn off now though. I'm not giving up (chillout+book later) but I'll go with the kitten's answer :-)

PS Almost forgot - attribution for the picture goes to : http://www.cathouseonthekings.com/ which I found via Facebook.

Where's all the Pink Hats ?

Ok, so Friday I mentioned a potential project for this summer ...

The idea was born from a conversation with a very dear friend, with me remembering a colleague from a couple of years ago. Combine that with the controversy surrounding Karen Handel, formerly of the Susan G. Komen group and you get me thinking I could do a little more than just contributing to charities. I could be the focus for a bit of money raising.

There's a bit more to it as well. I probably have just one or two seasons of cricket left in me. Actually, with the state of my shoulder and a couple of other long term injury issues, I probably should have called it quits on cricket already.

But ... I like running around at daft speeds chasing and pouncing on balls. Maybe I'm part kitten ?

Hey ! I'm strange and am not afraid to admit it.

It's a curious feeling, this project. On Friday, it was just an embryonic idea that had the barest possibility of happening (me playing cricket this summer depends on my legs supporting it). But ... that seed of an idea has taken root and it's growing into a case of :

"So it depends on my leg getting better and the rest of my injuries cooperating ? Sod that, I'll play anyway.". If I tear stuff up again, there's plenty of time after the season for it to heal.

And it's similar for those other long term injuries. With the weight loss, I'm getting back my agility from a number of years ago. I have the same power available in my legs, it just has less weight to shift. That's awesome all round. As well as being more nimble, there's less stress on my legs.

In 3 months I've lost enough off my middle to do the belt up 2 notches tighter. Although one of my Facebook updates today is : "And just because you can put the belt one notch tighter, doesn't mean you should." I.e. Sleepypete becomes SqueakyPete.

I have a feeling there's a bit of Positive Mental Attitude coming in there though. Bit like having a cause to fight for. Or maybe a few causes as I'm looking out for a couple of people right now. Or maybe I'm just pleased at the prospect of having some of the old bounce back.

So - that potential embryo idea of "I could do this" is turning more into a "I want to do this". There's a few details to look into though :

Which charity - think I'll ask for advice from the girls at work for this one and go with what they say
(always follow the advice of women - it's much safer that way and it makes them happy)
Getting Pink Stuff
(no suitable pink hats in the Mall shops or online)
Getting ready for the season
(I really need to stop relying on natural fitness)
And sorting out the donation thing
(Probably via www.justgiving.com)

And there's that aspect of time running out. If I do something like this, I need to do it either this year or next. I'm getting too old now for running around cricket fields at daft speeds. The old injuries are making their presence felt more and the new ones are taking longer to go away.

As to the why ... I like helping people out. I live for it. And this attaches "helping people out" to me having fun. Plus there's the biggest reason why I like helping people out : Because I can :-).

PS Actually, now I think more about it, I think I'd do it 50:50. 50 for breast cancer for the colleague from a few years ago and 50 for Help For Heroes.

Picture Monday - Armour Amour

Spotted this one on Facebook over the weekend :

Lol'd ... And thought of my neighbour, Cyberkitten. Who will love it.

Fantasy armour is always a good subject for getting the artists going. I think the artists and fans of artists are actually the ones who go for the more revealing drawings. The D&D gamers get trained out of putting their women into daft outfits by the GM :

Player : That's right - chainmail bra and panties for my character
GM : Ok, you're about to go through a thorn infested bramble patch ...

Here's another one from an older game and book I read many many years ago ... Curse of the Azure Bonds had two main characters, Dragonbait and Alias. It's a pretty decent book (I brought it with me to Bristol and will read it again sometime) and quite early it explains away the abomination of a breastplate the female lead wears. 'Magical thing causing resistance against pointy-stabby' (I paraphrased)

Yep - we got trained early by our GMs to think Full Plate = Good (even for female characters). Trouble is, evil GMs also have a tendency to make Full Plate wearing characters have to cross rivers. Usually under threat of imminent attack. There's rules in there that say that Full Plate takes 15 minutes or so to put on and rushing that causes all sorts of "I can't move!!" penalties.

Unless you use magic ...

I can't find it right now (it's in Defenders of the Faith) but you could add a property to that shiny Full Plate armour where your character said a command word and within 1 action, that Full Plate would fly on to the character Iron Man style. So your girlie cleric (it opened up lots of banter with the rest of the party and I had a lot of fun with it) could go :

Keela : "If I were you, I'd remove that hand from where you just put it"
Octopus Guy : "Why would I want to do that ?"
Keela : "Armour up"
Octopus Guy : "OWW!"
(from the hand trapped in naughty place)

I was always more about having fun with the role playing type aspect (while being a strong Power Gamer too) and the Armour of Calling just opened up more possibilities.

And - how have I managed to turn a simple picture post into yet another Wall of Text ? Lol :-)

PS CK - if you can find one, check out the level 50 ish green Jade Breastplate. Looks better on trolls than it would on a Worgen though ...

Sporty Sunday (and Saturday)

It's been a good weekend for sport this one ...

Yes - it's still the football season but I for one don't count league football as a sport. It's a con game played by namby-pambys with no integrity or respect whatsoever. But that's enough about so-called "professional" footballers. Their conduct gives the term "sportsman" a bad name.

What's made this a good sporting weekend is :

England cricket on the telly
Start of the Six Nations rugby
Superbowl tonight

England have been playing Pakistan in the neutral venues of Dubai and Abu Dhabi. (They can't play at home because the situation is too unstable). It's been a torture exercise for the fans to be honest, as they've crumbled against the spin. But they're our team, we love 'em and we'll support them through thick and thin.

Especially if they celebrate like Monty Panesar. It's just sheer, unconfined joy when he takes a wicket and he puts my old Aeroplane wing celebrations to shame.

I'll confess though that I've fast forwarded through much of the cricket this weekend as this series has been a bit of an unspectacular grind amidst the clusters of wickets.

Six Nations started this weekend and is always one for the sports fans to look forward to. Rugby's a hard, uncompromising sport played by true hard nut athletes. Like the cricketers, they'll play on with broken bones (if they can) and a little bit of blood is taken as an honour badge (until the ref spots it and tells them to get it sorted). Compare that to footballers who feign injury to get opposition players in trouble.

I'll not watch all the Six Nations games, it'll follow the rules :

Watch all England games - get tortured by knowing they can play better.
Watch all Ireland games - because of the affinity from living there for most of my first 10 years.
Watch games where there's a chance of a good game.
Ignore Scotland and Italy - because both sides are pretty poor (Italy are improving, Scotland are just poor)
Shout for the other team when France are playing - even if it's the Welsh.

Is there anyone I haven't upset yet with the above ? Lol :-) I don't mean any of it outside of match banter.

Mixed feelings about England rugby this year. A new coach has swept a very wide broom through the team. He's been brave, taken his own approach to things and some of it looked ok. There's still some massive holes at key positions though where the players just aren't international class (10 is a lynchpin and Hodgson has never been up to it at international level).

Yesterday's England game lived to those expectations - England were lucky to win a game where they flattered to deceive people into believing they had any real ideas for how to get points. It was one of the least impressive (outside of improved discipline) displays by an England side for quite a while. And Scotland were worse ...

Compare that to the Welsh who have just punched a half chance through the Irish defence to score a try.

Superbowl's tonight - I don't watch much American Football but I usually enjoy it when I do. American sport tends to be much more regimented in its play than European football and NFL is no exception. Short doses work well for NFL and Baseball, so you don't get jaded from seeing season long the same thing over and over again. The Superbowl is usually worth watching though.

The trouble with the Superbowl is that it's on really, really late. I will probably last as long as the half time show before going "zzzzzzz".

Saturday 9

Spotted this one a while ago on TBB's blog and thought - I must do that.

It's a Saturday 9 meme :

1. Do you live close to where you grew up ? Why ?

No. Not any more - I've followed the work. The first years I can properly remember had me in Northern Ireland, which is a beautiful country to live in. We had a house out in the sticks, which is still there albeit with a new access road, new barn and it looks like a landscape gardener has done stuff to the land around it. But the recognisable features are still there, including the wall where we used to shoot cans off it with an air rifle. My parents still live in Lincolnshire where I went to secondary school but I now live in Bristol where the work is.

2. Have you ever been so angry that you almost lost control ?

With other people - very rarely. I walk away before snapping with others.
With myself ? Hell yeah. One reason for the ongoing damage to my shoulder is that while I rein myself in with throwing normally, those reins aren't in place when I've made an error. So if I've fumbled or dropped a catch, a 110% power throw will be coming in from the boundary. I'm in an instinct frame of mind at that point, won't be able to stop it and will go OW in a big way when the throw is away. At other times, I'll channel anger into tighter focus. Like Friday 27th when the self-anger got turned into tighter focus for getting things done.

I don't think people realise that I put the tight control on to myself. It actually hinders my interactions with normal people, although a touch of natural empathy can have me picking up on how other people are feeling.

3. Are you a fan of a musical act that slightly embarasses you ?

Let's see ... Paul McCartney's The Frog Song will always be a favourite. As well Manamana. I will always sing along to Abba. But I'll go for Alisha's Attic. Not for their music, which is consistently outstanding but for the nickname I grabbed while I was a fan of them above everyone else : Alisha's Addict. People who know me at work will recognise why that might have triggered the embarassment flag over the past year or so ;-)

4. Is there a movie that always makes you cry ?

Yes - it's called Bolt. It's an animated film about a super dog. The bit that really gets me is towards the end - the burning building sequence.

(Men do cry sometimes, we just hate to admit it - except footballers who have something wrong in the head)

Hey ! I'm a dog person and not afraid to admit it :-)

5. Who is the most famous person that you've met ?

Bumble, aka David Lloyd. He's one of the Sky cricket commentators and is certified bat-shit crazy. He's a great guy, brings a lot of colour, fun and genuine enthusiasm for the game into the commentary box. We met him at Trent Bridge 2 years ago when we watched Yorkshire blow it yet again. We were walking around the ground to find seats before the game and coming the other way is Bumble. I got a handshake, although it was a fleeting meeting as I suspect he was late for duty and needing to rush off.

Great guy - made my day that did, the result didn't matter after that :-)

6. Before you leave your home, what must you have ?

Keys, wallet, mobile phone, shades (sensitive eyes). Brain (no kidding, sometimes it gets left behind). If for longer than a day : laptop.

7. What do you miss the most about being a kid ?

No cares. Sure, they probably worked us for longer hours at school with the homework but I wasn't subject to chores etc. Also space, I had the space to practice the cricket in the back garden (there's still a bare patch in the grass where I stood). I haven't the space to do that here :

The back yard has a big step so I couldn't bat in it
Not enough depth for the batting practice
And I'd be throwing a ball at the windows ... (Throw ball, whack it when it returns on the bounce)

After school, I'd be nipping out the back with me kit to do 30-60 minutes batting practice with that occasionally broken up by having to fetch the ball from in front of the house if I'd hit it over the top.

8. Tell us about a passion of your's that your readers would not expect.

Ok, that cuts out anything to do with chocolate, pizza or sweeties ... My passion is elegance in all of its forms. That can be a device that just Works, it performs its function with the finesse of something that's Just Right.

But that's just the half of it. I watch people. The human body is a machine as well, albeit made of bone & muscle & skin instead of metal & wires & motors. It come in all shapes and forms. And some of them move with such a subtle flow that it's like watching water flow down a stream. It's partly economy of movement, part just enough extra movement.

It's watching the difference between the gawky walk of a starved fashion victim and the "I know what I'm doing ... and I KNOW you're watching it" walk of someone who is utterly comfortable with who she is. Mind you, it's not always the confident ones who have that elegance, one colleague was desperate to lose weight but still moved with the flow of a dancer.

Doh - getting distracted again. How smoothly I get around depends on how my body is behaving. I've trained myself to move with total economy of movement, partly because it protects my knees. But it also unlocked Extreme Speed for me.

Just remembered from a few years ago - there was a person working in the team next door who would walk past the desks normally. Until she reached the desks of Sleepypete and Diablo. At that point, a sway would be introduced into the walk. We think it was unconscious but it had the effect of both Sleepy & Diablo being utterly unable to do any work until she was out of sight.

9. At what age do you think you'd be to think, "I've had a great run" ?

I dunno. And I don't think that time is for a long time to come. Still too much to do. I've learned stuff but not passed it on. I'll not be satisfied until I've passed on a decent proportion of what I know. And while there's still at least one person out there who needs help only I can give, there's still a place for me.

PS We appear to have snow. Maybe there will be enough for another Snow Thing later ...

Potential Summer Project ...

One of the best and most interesting bloggers out there got me thinking yesterday ...

(Yes - that was the grinding gears sound you may have heard)

Thumper's wondering at the moment about what to do in the future for walking to help out breast cancer charities. The trigger is an American politician who has infected a charity over there with some daft ideas. There's plenty more info on that (said far better than I ever could) over on Thumper's blog (link on the side and Escaping Kitty link here).

Anyway. That got me thinking, along with remembering back to the more recent past :
A colleague who did something similar to what I'm thinking of last year
(or year before last - blurry time syndrome strikes again)
A colleague who is still Very Ill

The ill colleague is someone who definitely counts as Good People and it's tragic that someone so nice and so young (21 + a little more than me) has been struck down with the cancer curse. So there's a fairly close reason for thinking of getting involved.

What's the project ?

We've had a few people do running for charity but that's not really something I can do. I can sprint fast but not for that long a distance. I won't be running any half marathons any time soon. Cricket suits me quite well because it's bursts of being explosive interspersed between lounging around. Although I don't do much lounging around in the field usually due to being hyperactive.

Middlesex County Cricket Club have had an association for a few years with the Breakthrough Breast Cancer charity, with one aspect being that Pink dominates their coloured one day game kit. I can't go that far, because :

3 day games + cricket I play = red ball, needs white clothing
1 day games for counties = white ball, needs coloured clothing

So wearing pink stuff when playing with a red ball would not be appreciated by the opposition. I'd do it if there was charity money involved though :-)

Instead, picture the Sleepy One in a Pink floppy hat, batting with a pink cover over the helmet and wrapping the fingers around something round and pink and rubbery while batting. However, I'd need the pink helmet cover (or pink helmet), pink hat and pink grip for the bat. Can I find them ? Not on the web ...

I can't bowl any more, so if it was a Performance charity thing I'd need to do it on Runs, Catches and Run-outs. I'm not even sure if I'll play this year, that's all dependent on the legs which went a little backwards today. I don't think my skin appreciates the cold weather we have at the moment or the dessicated atmosphere in our office building.

I don't know if I'll actually pull this off this summer but the seed is there in my mind. Next time I wander around Bristol centre or the Mall, I'll be on the lookout for Pink Stuff. In the meantime, I'll keep on contributing to charity as I usually do. Spam through the letterbox gets ignored (there's too much of it) but I'll happily contribute for the personal touch.

PS Hoping for another charity cake donation thing in the office soon. Cakes made by our office people (the Snow Queen bewitches us with baking) are always 'Blink n Miss it' cos they are That Good.

Thinking about - Other people

Saw something on FB today that I think I identify with :

I hope that's true for me. Your past defines who you are through how you have assimilated your life experiences but it doesn't mean you have to be locked in to it. I hope I've managed to assimilate the various major stuff that's happened to me, while not going down the Dark Side and have it forever dominate my destiny. The most recent major test of that was being able to play in the same cricket team as the fella who took up with my last partner ... and be civil.

I think being civil actually may have weirded him out. Lol :-)

Stuff over the last few weeks/months has made me revisit the past though. There's things there that none of the Bristol people know. Reason ? It would make them treat me different. Or would it ? I dunno.

Truth is, while I'm addicted to knowing Stuff, I recognise that the Secrets I know aren't all my own. I'll decide when I let my own secrets out, I don't have that right with the secrets of others. Hence all the codenames and the dropping of the codenames when I need to rationalise my own thoughts.

It is difficult though when events around you remind you of the past which you have left behind. And because those events are mostly about relationships, it's the relationships that dominate my mind at the moment. January seems to be a bad time for relationships, or is it the impending Valentines day ...

My sister has a new bloke in her life, who came to visit this last weekend. He's a good bloke, he can stay. But it made the family revisit quite a few things that we don't really talk about any more. There is some deep personal tragedy with our family from 20 years ago. We don't talk about it much but we very definitely Remember. And if/when the time comes that I get kids, there will be a special request to do with that Remembering. That's a decent time away, although it does crop up in my thoughts.

Relationships are the other major thing in my thoughts - although it's now about looking out for other people. I'm finding it strange that I've been getting used for advice and that I'm in a position to give that advice. You can see the pain in them, hidden behind the public face they want to put. There's also a reluctance to confront or accept what's happening.

I'm thinking there of a couple from the gamer world - I like to think I'm good friends of both. One of them managed to get me to sing on Mumble (not an insignificant feat) and the other has me swapping pooter stories. But ... as part of them breaking up, both are quieter. More subdued. And others are more subdued around them. It gets even more complicated on Facebook where Ex A and Ex B are now ex friends with each other, they're both more reluctant to talk to common friends. My reaction to both was along the lines "omg - say it ain't so", with that sent to both as I respect both equally.

I do it too - I'll have second thoughts about commenting in certain places because I know unfriendly eyes might be looking. But at the same time, I remember back to my own break up and my reluctance to spill the beans on what precisely the terms of the breakup were. I think that to expose the totality of it would have been rather spiteful. We don't have the right to say who another person should call Friend and I'd have been prejudicing those friendships.

I'm rambling again aren't I ...

I know a few people who are in pain at the moment. It's the pain of cracked or broken dreams and the strain of having to lock that away from the world in order to remain functioning. I've had that kind of pain three times in my past :

First - I made up a fantasy that let me keep going. It took me a long, long time to accept the truth there.
Second - I ran. And in the running, I cost myself the chance of the First Hons degree I should have got.
Third - I locked down. Which was as damaging as the fantasy and the running.

One thing common there is Communication. It's better to talk through a problem than to let it fester and bubble away in your head. For the three Dark times above, I didn't know who I could talk to. The issue boiled until the stress of it almost broke me.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Your friends have your back. Lean on them.

Pizza Picture Wednesday

Ok,

So I weakened ... Or was it because the intention was to go to Sainsburys. However, traffic into and out of there was hell so I abandoned that for tonight. But ... it got me close to :

Yep. First pizza for a few months :

Pizzahut Pizza > Dominos pizza
Dominos offers > Pizzahut offers

Although it's tough finding out what the offers are for Dominos because their website is appalling and doesn't list them ... Mobile one does but the normal internet one doesn't have a "Click Me For Offers" type button. Meh.